Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of March 26th, 2020

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
Your oracle comes from Aries poet Octavio Paz: "The path the ancestors cleared is overgrown, unused. The other path, smooth and broad, is crowded with travelers. It goes nowhere. There's a third path: mine. Before me, no one. Behind me, no one. Alone, I find my way." APRIL FOOL! Although the passage by Octavio Paz is mostly accurate for your destiny during the rest of 2020, it's off-kilter in one way: It's too ponderously serious and melodramatic. You should find a way to carry out its advice with meditative grace and effervescent calm.

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Would you like to understand the current chapter of your life story even further? Do you think it might be fun to dig deeper? Are you interested in exploring mysteries that you have not yet been able to put into words? Tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.






♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
A century ago, fiery writer Maxim Gorky and hard-ass Taurus politician Vladimir Lenin were listening to a Beethoven sonata together. "I can't listen to music too often," Lenin told his companion. "It affects your nerves, makes you want to say stupid, nice things." This is crucial advice for you to heed in the coming weeks, Taurus. You need to be as smart and tough as possible, so don't you dare listen to music. APRIL FOOL! Lenin was half-mistaken, and I half-lied. The fact is, music makes you smarter and nicer, and those will be key assets for you to cultivate in the coming weeks. So yes, do listen to a lot of music.

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How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? What can you do to make sure that you are giving your best energy to your top priorities? If you'd like further support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
By the time he was 55 years old, Gemini author Thomas Hardy had written 18 novels and many poems. His stuff was good enough to win him two separate nominations for a Nobel Prize in Literature. But during the last 32+ years of his life, he never wrote another novel. According to one theory, it was because he was discouraged by the negative reviews he got for his last novel. I suspect you may be at a similar juncture in your life, Gemini. Maybe it's time to give up on a beloved activity that hasn't garnered the level of success you'd hoped for. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, it is most definitely NOT time to lose hope and faith. Don't be like Hardy. Rededicate yourself to your passionate quests.

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It's quite likely that you have more strength and intelligence than you realize. And I guarantee that you have not yet called on all the help that's available to you. If you'd like some support and encouragement in your efforts to access those untapped resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
Cancerian theologian John Wesley (1703–1791) was a Christian who embodied the liberal values that Christ actually taught. He advocated for the abolition of slavery, prison reform, the ordination of women priests, and a vegetarian diet. He gave away a lot of his money and administered many charities. To accomplish his life's work, he traveled 250,000 miles on horseback and preached 40,000 sermons. Let's make him your role model for the coming weeks. Be inspired by his life as you vividly express your care and compassion. APRIL FOOL! I lied a little bit. Although most of what I just recommended is a good idea, the part about traveling long distances, either on horseback or by other means, is not.

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Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. Sometimes you need a bit of extra help as you try to understand how your problems might be opportunities in disguise. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
The neurotic but talented French novelist Marcel Proust observed, "Everything vital in the world comes from neurotics. They alone have founded religions and composed our masterpieces." With that in mind, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I urge you to cultivate your own neurotic qualities in their extreme forms of expression during the coming weeks. You're due for some major creative breakthroughs. APRIL FOOL! I was kidding. The fact is, you can generate creative breakthroughs in the coming weeks by being poised and composed—not extra neurotic.

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Could you use some help in clarifying your goals and nurturing your dreams? Is there anything you could do to enjoy your life even more and be even more confident that you're making the best possible decisions? I may be able to offer you further support with my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
Virgo author Leon Edel wrote a five-volume biography of renowned author Henry James. In the course of his research, he read 15,000 letters that were written by James. He came to have a profound familiarity with the great man. In accordance with current astrological omens, I recommend that you choose a worthy character about whom you will become equally knowledgeable. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It's true that now is an excellent time to deepen your understanding of people you care about. But don't get as obsessed as Edel!

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Would you like more clues? Are you in quest of even deeper insight? I provide further questions and loving suggestions about your unfolding destiny in my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
About 2,000 years ago, a Roman woman named Sulpicia wrote six short love poems—a total of 40 lines—that are still being analyzed and discussed by literary scholars today. I bring her to your attention because I think that in the next four weeks you, too, could generate a small burst of beauty that will still be appreciated 2,000 years from now. APRIL FOOL! I lied about the "small" part. The burst of beauty you create in the immediate future could actually be quite large, as well as enduring.

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Would you like to go further in your efforts to understand your beautiful and mysterious life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
French poet Louis Aragon (1897–1982) was an influential novelist and a pioneer of surrealistic poetry. Much of his writing had a lyrical quality, and many of his poems were set to music. He also had a belligerent streak. Before the publication of one of his books, he announced that he would thrash any writer who dared to review it in print. Success! There were no critical reviews at all. I recommend his approach to you in the coming weeks. Make it impossible for anyone to criticize you. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I would never suggest that you use violence to accomplish your aims. And besides that, the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to solicit feedback of all varieties, even the critical kind.

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Would you like to discover more about the hidden factors and unconscious patterns that are influencing you? Do you want to uncover secrets that maybe you've been concealing even from yourself? If you'd like more help and support in your quest to live your best possible life, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
I hesitate to be so blunt, but it's my duty to report the facts. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you should have as many orgasms as possible in the next 15 days. You need to tap into the transformative psychological power that's available through monumental eruptions of pleasure and releases of tension. (P.S. Spiritual orgasms will be just as effective as physical orgasms.) APRIL FOOL! What I just said is true, but I left out an important component of your assignment: Be loving and responsible as you pursue your joyous climaxes, never manipulative or exploitative or insensitive.

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Do you wish you could get more clarity about the ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Would you like more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? If you'd enjoy receiving further insights and support from me, I invite you to tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
Ancient Greek orator Demosthenes was renowned for his skill at delivering powerful, charismatic speeches. While he was still learning his craft, he resorted to extreme measures to improve. For example, there was a time when he shaved just half of his head. It made him ashamed to go out in public, forcing him to spend all his time indoors practicing his speeches. Would you consider a similar strategy right now? APRIL FOOL! I was just messing with you. It's true that the coming weeks will be a good time to minimize your socializing and devote yourself to hard work in behalf of a beloved dream. But shaving half your head isn't the best way to accomplish that.

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Would you enjoy getting further insights into the intriguing twists and turns of your amazing journey? Are you ready to seek more help from me in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to tell as many lies as possible if doing so helps you get what you want. I hereby authorize you to engage in massive deceptions, misrepresentations, and manipulative messages as you seek to impose your will on every flow of events. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, everything I just said was the exact opposite of your actual horoscope, which is as follows: You have a sacred duty to tell more of the truth than you have ever been able to tell before. As you dig deeper to discover more and more of what's essential for you to understand and express, dedicate your efforts to the goal of gliding along with the most beautiful and interesting flow you can find.

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Could you benefit from getting more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Do you crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? You might find it inspiring to tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.






♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
Fifteen minutes before the Big Bang occurred, where was the matter that now constitutes your body and my body? And if, as seems to be true, the Big Bang was the beginning of time, what time was it fifteen minutes earlier? Questions like these are crucial for you to ponder in the next two weeks. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The questions I articulated should in fact be very low priority for you. In the immediate future, you'll be wise to be as concrete and specific and pragmatic as you can possibly be. Focus on up-close personal questions that you can actually solve, not abstract, unsolvable riddles.

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What interesting lessons and helpful revelations is life preparing for you? What can you do to make yourself as receptive as possible to those lessons and revelations? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.