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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of November 24th, 2011


(July 23-August 22)
If you traveled 300 million years back in time, you might freak out in abject fear as you encountered dragonflies as big as eagles and cockroaches the size of dogs. But since you're quite safe from those monsters here in the present, there's no need to worry yourself sick about them. Similarly, if you managed to locate a time machine and return to an earlier phase of your current life, you'd come upon certain events that upset you and derailed you way back then. And yet the odds are very high that you're not going to find a time machine. So maybe you could agree to relinquish all the anxiety you're still carrying from those experiences that can no longer upset and derail you. Now would be an excellent moment to do so.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.


I know a dyke punk witch who loves to rub up against Hasidic Jews in the New York subway when she's menstruating. I know a mischief-maker who sneaked gobs of bacon fat into the broccoli and carrot stir-fry he cooked for his vegetarian friends.

While I'm entertained by the hijinks of these two tricksters, I have more respect for people who mess with their own totems and taboos -- like my anarchist acquaintance who disturbed his fellow agitators by burning his prized black flag in front of them.
Catch my drift? It's more aesthetically pleasing to violate your own damn dogmas, not your neighbor's. Try it.
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.