If you were the star of a fairy tale in which a spell had been placed on you, you would find a way to break that spell sometime in the next seven months. If you were the hero of a myth about a royal child abandoned in the wasteland by your evil nurse and raised by emotionally clumsy but well-meaning gnomes, your exile would soon end; your real parents, the king and queen, would find you after a long search, and your birthright would be restored. Now translate these themes into the actual circumstances of your life, Capricorn. Are you ready to do what it takes to achieve a healing and restoration that have been a long time coming?

For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.