The film Tuck Everlasting tells the story of a family that becomes immortal after drinking from a magical spring. The two parents and their two sons hide their gift from the world, but eventually a mysterious man in a yellow suit finds out about their secret and stalks them. At one point in his search, this man has a conversation with a young pastor. "What if you could be eternal?" he asks the priest. "Without having to face the uncertainty of death. Invincible to disease. Forever young." The priest is rattled. "You speak blasphemy, sir," he protests. "Fluently," replies the man in the yellow suit. You have that mandate right now Aries: to speak blasphemy fluently, as well as any other rebellious diction. It's time to rise up and express the unspeakable, the controversial, the revolutionary.

Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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What's true about the word "God" may apply as well to "soul": Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It's a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say "soul" and you're liable to numb your listeners' attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That's a shame, because the eminence that's lazily referred to as "soul" is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart.

"If you need to visualize the soul," wrote Tom Robbins, "think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved."

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab's ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we're pleased to present some alternate designations for "soul." See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus.

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms.

P.S. Here's Robbins' conclusion: "By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There's substantial evidence that the Amazon River used to flow in the opposite direction from what it does now. Ages ago, its currents traveled westward from the Atlantic Ocean toward the Pacific. I'd like you to hold that image firmly in mind as you contemplate a monumental shift of course in your own life. Let it serve as a surprising symbol of what's possible -- as a promise that you could actually manage to reverse a current that may seem immutable.

To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Röentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays.

What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out patents in connection with their innovations, believing they shouldn't make any profit on something that should belong to everyone.

Try giving away some of your brilliance for free.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In Mark Harris's novel Bang the Drum Slowly, professional baseball players cheat their fans out of money by engaging them in a card game called TEGWAR, which is an acronym for The Exciting Game Without Any Rules. Judging from your current astrological omens, Gemini, I'd say it's prime time for you to play a more ethical version of this game. Strictly speaking, the game *can* have rules, but they may be changed at any time, and new ones may be added as needed. The object of your brand of TEGWAR is to have as much smart fun as possible without anyone getting hurt.

Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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I was watching a martial arts competition on ESPN TV. It featured a vehement macho dance-off, in which rivals took turns brandishing their high-octane warrior choreography. At one point the announcer waxed poetic as the eventual winner pulled off a seemingly impossible move: "And that was a corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin!"

I urge you to do something like that yourself. As you seek to take your game to a higher level, practice your personal version of the corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The only way to let your dreams come true is to wake up," said poet Paul Valery. Here's how I think that applies to you right now. You've become too engrossed in the mythic, phantasmagorical feelings of your fantasies, and that's interfering with your ability to muster all of the kick-ass pragmatism and supercharged willpower you will need to actually make your fantasies come to life. In other words, Cancerian, I advise you to snap out of your creamy dreamy haze with a self-induced wake-up call. Stop floating and start grunting.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The iconoclastic physicist Jack Sarfatti proposes that all "creative thought by artists, craftsmen, and scientists involves the subconscious reception of ideas from the future, which literally create themselves."

Beauty and Truth Lab researcher Vimala Blavatsky puts a different spin on it. "Our future selves are constantly transmitting great ideas to us back through time," she says, "but most of us don't believe that's possible and consequently are not alert for it."

What do you think is the most pressing communiqué your future self is currently beaming your way?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

As we began our first session, the 79-year-old Jungian psychotherapist looked at me with mischief in her eyes and said, "Go ahead -- surprise me! What have you got?" I was torn. Part of me felt like rising to her challenge, meeting her dare: I fantasized about telling her such wild versions of my adventures that they would outstrip any tales she'd heard in her long service as a deep listener. But in the end I chose to tell the truth. I felt it was more important to explore my life's actual mysteries than to entertain her. And that was the first healing she helped me achieve. I suspect a similar test is ahead for you, Leo. Would you rather be honest or impress people?

Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In the Greek epic The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men -- only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

Tell an analogous story from your own life: an experience in which you were turned into a pig for a while, and became a more robust version of yourself when the spell was broken.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I predict that at no time in the coming weeks will anyone be justified in saying to you, "Your ego has been writing checks that your body can't cash." Nor will anyone have any reason to tell you, "You'd better start running if you hope to catch up with your dreams," or "You may be an old soul but you've been acting like a naive punk." No, Virgo, I firmly believe that none of those accusations will be hurled at you. Why? Because from what I can tell, all of the various parts of your psyche will be in a greater state of collaborative unity than they've been in for a long time. Your alienation from yourself will be at an all-time low, as will your levels of hypocrisy.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Contrary to what the Bible says, it won't be the meek who shall inherit the Earth. On the other hand, the arrogant power mongers won't collect the legacy either. Neither the indecisive wimps nor the acquisitive bullies will contribute much to creating the New Earth.

Who, then, will inherit the Earth? What kind of human beings are best-equipped to thrive in the evolving game of life? We say it will be the well-disciplined pleasure-seekers who are in vigorous dialogue with their own dark sides, who balance the masculine and feminine aspects of their natures, and who master the fine arts of working at their play and playing at their work.

Assume our definitions are true. What would you do to become more like an inheritor of the Earth?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I'm brave in some ways, cowardly in others. I've gone parasailing, performed on big stages in front of thousands of people, assisted in the birth of two children, and explored the abyss of my own unconscious. On the other hand, I'm scared of confined spaces, can't bring myself to shoot a gun, and am a sissy when it comes time to be around people who are dying. I imagine that you, too, have areas of courage and timidity, Libra. And I suspect that in the coming weeks you will be called to a challenge in both areas. See if you can transfer some of the nervy power you're able to summon in one sphere to bolster you in the place where you're a wimp.

No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In an article about storytellers in the Los Angeles Times, Leslie Berger profiled a high school teacher named Luigi Jannuzzi. "He once saved the life of a student who was choking on a Life Saver," Berger wrote, "and thus discovered his own gift of gab: He told the kid a joke so funny that his laughter popped the candy out of his throat."

Make up a story in which your sense of humor saves someone's life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The Kinky Dream and Funky Paradise chapter of your astrological cycle has arrived -- a phase when you'll have poetic license to let your imagination run wilder than usual. In fact, it'll be prime time to escape into fantasyland and try on a new identity or two, complete with a host of outlandish nicknames. Your new hip hop name could be Extasy TrixxMaster. Your pro wrestler name could be Velvet Soul Pandora. Your mystic superhero name could be Mountain Wind Storm. Your Irish prostitute name could be Luscious X. Mahoney. Your rock star from the future name could be Destiny Acrobat.

Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The coming weeks could be a Golden Age for your perceptiveness. If you're even moderately aligned with the cosmic rhythms, you will be able to discern hidden agendas that no one else has spotted, catch clues that have been hidden, and be able to recognize and register interesting sights you've previously been blind to. To maximize your ability to cash in on this fantastic opportunity, say this affirmation frequently: "My eyes are working twice as well as usual. I can see things I don't normally notice."

I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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Rural communities in southern Louisiana celebrate Mardi Gras with even more anarchistic exuberance than the festivities that take place in New Orleans. Roving gangs of masked revelers stop cars and good-naturedly demand money and gifts from drivers. Clowns with feathered headdresses knock on people's doors after midnight begging for ingredients to make gumbo. Mardi Gras out in the sticks "is a lot like tickling," says professor of folklore, Barry Ancelet. "When you get tickled it makes you laugh, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable."

Is there anything that incites both your laughter and your discomfort? Perhaps a thorny opportunity you have the privilege of suffering from? A prickly advantage that makes your blood boil and sing simultaneously? An awkward gratification that fuels your ambition to become the person you were born to be?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you were the star of a fairy tale in which a spell had been placed on you, you would find a way to break that spell sometime in the next seven months. If you were the hero of a myth about a royal child abandoned in the wasteland by your evil nurse and raised by emotionally clumsy but well-meaning gnomes, your exile would soon end; your real parents, the king and queen, would find you after a long search, and your birthright would be restored. Now translate these themes into the actual circumstances of your life, Capricorn. Are you ready to do what it takes to achieve a healing and restoration that have been a long time coming?

For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

What is sacred? The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said it was anything that you cannot or will not laugh at. But I have the exact opposite view. If I'm unable to crack a joke about what I regard as holy, then it's not holy. For me, part of what makes an idea or person or object holy is its power to animate my sense of humor and put me in the mood to play. Where do you stand on this issue, Aquarius? If you're aligned with my view, you will have some wonderful opportunities to commune with the sacred in the coming days.

Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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I'm smarter in some places than in others. In Florence, Amsterdam, and Milwaukee, my IQ is off the charts. In Munich, Madrid, and Washington, D.C., I'm rather dull-witted. Even in Northern California, where I usually live, some spots are more conducive to my higher brain functioning. I'm an idiot on Market Street in San Francisco, whereas I'm awash in wise insights whenever I set foot on Mt. Tamalpais.

What's this about? The specialized branch of astrology called astrocartography would say that the full potentials of my horoscope are more likely to emerge in certain power spots. What about you? Wander around and test to see where you feel most in tune with your deep brilliance.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the chorus of my band's song "Apathy and Ignorance," I sing, "What is the difference between apathy and ignorance?" and the other two singers chant, "I don't know and I don't care." I recommend you make that chant your mantra in the coming days, Pisces: "I don't know and I don't care." You really do need to experiment with a mischievous state of mind that is blithely heedless of what anyone thinks about anything. You have the right and the privilege to be free of expectations, precedents, and dogmas. Trust your intuition above all other influences! It's an excellent time to at least temporarily declare your independence from everything that's not interesting or useful or helpful or appealing. (Listen to the song for free.)

What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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The force of gravity is omnipresent, even though it can't be seen, heard, or touched, and almost no one can explain it. There ­wasn't even a word for it until the 17th century, when Isaac Newton discovered it and named it after the Latin term gravitas, meaning "heaviness" or "seriousness."

As you deepen your inquiries into pronoia, you may enjoy a similar breakthrough. Can you imagine what it would feel like to become aware of an omnipresent ocean of wild divine love that has always been a secret to you in the same way that the sea is invisible to a fish?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.