All the most credible studies say that the crime rate is steadily decreasing, and yet three out of every four people believe it's rising. What conclusions can we draw from this curious discrepancy? Here's one: The majority of the population is predisposed towards pessimism. In my astrological opinion, Capricorn, you can't afford to be victimized by this mass psychosis. If you are, it will interfere with and probably even stunt the good fortune headed your way. I'm not asking you to be absurdly optimistic. Just try to root out any tendencies you might have to be absurdly gloomy.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2011. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7-9 minutes long. A new short-term forecast for this week is also available. Sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.