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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of December 9th, 2010


(February 19-March 20)
In Taio Cruz's mega-hit pop song "Dynamite," he describes how excited he is to go dancing at his favorite nightclub. "I throw my hands up in the air," he exults. "I wanna celebrate and live my life . . . I'm wearin' all my favorite brands." In advising you about the best ways to ride the current cosmic rhythms, Pisces, I'll use Cruz as both a role model and an anti-role model. You should be like him in the sense of being eager to throw your hands up in the air. Right now it's your sacred duty to intensify your commitment to revelry and find every possible excuse to celebrate your life. On the other hand, it's crucial that you don't wear all your favorite brands. To get the full benefits from this time of festive release, you will need, as much as humanly possible, to declare your independence from corporate brainwashing and escape the intelligence-sapping mindset of consumerism.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, You Are a Prophet.


Discordianism is one of the rare religions that takes account of Ralph Abraham's assertion that heart physiologists find more chaos in the healthy heart than in the sick heart. Here's a sampling of Discordian tenets. 1. Everyone is a saint, especially you. 2. Meditation consists primarily of cruising around looking for good luck. 3. Eating hot dog buns is prohibited, except on Friday, when it's compulsory. 4. When you're stuck in a rut, you must speak in tongues, handle snakes, and experience phantasmagoria. 5. Your guardian angel loves you better when your room is a mess. 6. Bowling alleys are sacred; you must protect them from ­desecration. 7. The Goddess will solve all your problems if you solve all hers.
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.