Have you ever watched the TV show "The Office"? If so, you may remember when Darryl from the warehouse was going out with customer service rep Kelly. "You need to access your uncrazy side," he told her at a turning point in their relationship. "Otherwise, maybe this thing has run its course." I'd like to invite you to do the same, Scorpio: Tap into, draw up to the surface, and abundantly express your uncrazy side. I predict that you will have a whole lot of fun if you do, thereby proving that you don't need to be marinating in chaos and torment in order to experience high adventure.

The horoscopes you read here may be all you need from me. But if you'd like a bigger dose of my thoughts about your destiny, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each is a 4 to 5 minute meditation about where you are right now. (For a limited time only, I've also got longer forecasts that report on the big picture of your life for 2010.)

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Go to a mirror and play with your face until you create the Fabulous Smirk. Not the Arrogant Smirk or the Vengeful Smirk or the Hateful, Whiny, Passive-Aggressive Smirk. Rather, express the Smirk that Passeth All Understanding. The Wise, Charitable, Forbearing Smirk. The Uber-Smirk that says, "I've figured out what everyone's hiding, and I love them anyway."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can hear me read excerpts from the book here.