Select a date (required) and sign (optional) 


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of October 1st, 2009

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
Several couples I know keep lists of the five celebrities they'd be allowed to boink if the chance ever presented itself. My friend Jim, for instance, will incur no karmic repercussions with his girlfriend Alicia if he ever spends a night of carnal delight with the following people: Lady Gaga, Sarah Silverman, Karen O, Shakira, or Halle Berry. Alicia's permitted to enjoy liaisons with Johnny Depp, Chris Rock, Marilyn Manson, Jimmy Fallon, and Portia de Rossi. I bring this up, Gemini, because I believe you'll soon be the beneficiary of some extravagant cosmic luck that could offer you a close brush with an exotic form of pleasure. This might not exactly take the form of a one-night stand with a famous fox, but it could be almost as extraordinary.


Got enough clues to chew on? If you need more, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.
*
The preceding oracle comes from the revised and expanded edition of my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. You can order it at Amazon.