KFC is test-marketing a flamboyant new menu item at selected restaurants in the U.S. This remarkable delicacy is an exotic sandwich that consists of bacon, two servings of cheese, and special sauce, all held together not by bread but by two slabs of fried chicken. I nominate this spectacular creation to be your earthy metaphor of the week. In accordance with the astrological omens, I hope it inspires you to head out to the frontiers of extravagance in both your spiritual affairs and your romantic life. The coming days will be an ideal time to pray to both Christ and the Goddess while making love, for example, or to get sandwiched between two delicious devotees while meditating naked, or to perform a boisterous ritual to invoke emotional riches with the help of a genius of love.

Here's what R. Goren of Albuquerque had to say about the experience of listening to my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES: "No one knows more about me than me. But you're right up there near the top of the list of people who do understand something about how I tick. How is that possible?"