If you put a corn chip in guacamole, take a bite, then dunk the chip in the bowl again, you're doing what's known as double-dipping. Scientists say it transfers about 2,750 bacteria from your mouth to the guacamole. I advise against that kind of behavior in the coming week, and I suggest that you protect yourself against others who might engage in it. This is one time when you should be a purity freak. Meticulous attention to both physical and mental hygiene will be wise. Please protect yourself from germs of both the literal and psychic variety.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

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Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.