Beware of people who act like polite jerks or tone-deaf music critics or emotionally numb lovers. While they may be able to teach you a lot about what you don't need, they're not worthy candidates for enduring relationships. Now let's turn our attention to the question of who exactly does belong on your future team. What encouraging voices should you draw into your inner sphere? What smart adventurers should be solicited as staunch allies? Which respectful helpers should be rewarded for the good influences they've had on you? It's an excellent time to make those determinations.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

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Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

When Ireland's top bookmaker first opened the betting on the existence of God last September, the odds were 20-1 against, and quickly rose to 33-1. But more recently they've been down to 4-1. Is this evidence that the Supreme Being is close to a big disclosure? Is some concrete proof about to appear? If I were evaluating the state of your imminent destiny, I'd say yes -- maybe not in a way that would satisfy a raging atheist, and maybe not with the blatant splash of an obvious divine intervention. But don't even dismiss those possibilities, Taurus. It is the season of miracles and epiphanies for you. You should expect sublime help and inspiration.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

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Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

My friend Riley was the first member of her family to attend college. None of her hardscrabble Irish forebears had ever pursued higher education. In her senior year, Riley began having nightmares of her relatives trying to stop her from finishing school. In one recurring dream, her great-grandfather burned all her textbooks. In another, a mob of aunts and uncles tackled her and held her down as she tried to get to class. Despite these psychic obstacles, Riley persevered in her studies and eventually got her diploma. The week after graduation, she had another dream: A host of her ancestors came to her in the form of a great choir singing songs in praise of her success. Riley's psychotherapist speculated that the dream meant she had not only overcome the inertia of her heritage, but had also healed an ancient wound of her family. I believe this is akin to an accomplishment you will be capable of in the coming months.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

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Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

I'm in quest of new role models. There've been some good ones in my life, and I'm grateful for how they've awakened me, but right now I need fresh heroes worth emulating. Know any? I'm not dogmatic about what I'm looking for, and am willing to be surprised, but here are a few qualities I admire: compassion combined with unpredictability, high integrity mixed with an intense commitment to creativity, and self-discipline blended with playfulness. I like smart talkers who are also savvy listeners, and people who have a balance of open-minded objectivity and emotional intelligence. By the way, what's true for me is true for many of you, my fellow Cancerians: You could use a new role model, too, and it's an excellent time to go in search of one.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

An American residing in Berlin had leukemia as well as AIDS. Doctors did a bone marrow transplant to cure the leukemia, obtaining stem cells from a healthy donor. The operation was a success -- the leukemia disappeared. As an added and surprising bonus, the HIV also left the patient's body. He has been free of both diseases for two years. I predict a psychological version of this double cure for you in the coming weeks, Leo. The healing you receive for one type of suffering will unexpectedly heal another kind, too.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

There's a rung missing on your ladder of success. I suppose you could see that as a problem. It means you won't be able to climb higher by taking two manageable steps, but will be compelled to attempt a giant upward stride. I see this as potentially a good thing, though. The missing rung is exactly the kind of glitch that could activate your dormant reserves of ingenuity. It might even force you to become so smart and resourceful that you'll ultimately rise to a point you wouldn't have been able to if your ascent had come more easily.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle," said George Orwell. While that's true for many of us most of the time, I'm betting you'll be an exception to the rule in the coming week. You will find it easier than usual to escape from the trance of everyday life. As a result, perfectly obvious secrets that have been invisible to you will tap you gently on the forehead and say "Look at me!" After the initial shock, there'll be a release of tension you didn't even realize you were carrying around, followed by a warm, fuzzy explosion of raw hope.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

The world is once again falling deeply in love with you. Let's hope that on this occasion (unlike what happened the last two times) you will accept its adoration in the spirit in which it's given. Let's hope that if the world offers you the moon, the dawn, and the breeze, you won't reject these gifts and say that what you really wanted was a comet, the sunset, and a pie in the sky. There would be nothing sadder than to see the world suffer yet another case of unrequited love.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

"Everything is gestation and then bringing forth," wrote poet Rainer Maria Rilke in his book Letters to a young Poet. "To let each impression and each germ of feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist’s life." I think it's also the approach you should take in the coming weeks, Sagittarius, even if you're not an artist. As smart as you are, there's an even greater intelligence working discreetly within you that is more slyly brilliant and lushly visionary than your conscious mind. You owe it to your future to let it do its work.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

In his book The Invention of Air, Steven Johnson says that as coffee drinking came into vogue in the 18th century, it became a driving force in the Age of Enlightenment. Prior to that time, alcohol had been the drink of choice -- more so even than water. As the stimulant replaced the intoxicant, the level of discourse rose dramatically. Creative ideas flourished and new discoveries and inventions proliferated. I bring this up, Capricorn, because I suspect that you're entering your own personal Age of Enlightenment. Imbibing caffeine may not be necessary to fuel it, since cosmic energies will be conspiring to inspire your mental processes.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

If you put a corn chip in guacamole, take a bite, then dunk the chip in the bowl again, you're doing what's known as double-dipping. Scientists say it transfers about 2,750 bacteria from your mouth to the guacamole. I advise against that kind of behavior in the coming week, and I suggest that you protect yourself against others who might engage in it. This is one time when you should be a purity freak. Meticulous attention to both physical and mental hygiene will be wise. Please protect yourself from germs of both the literal and psychic variety.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.

I've been asked by the leaders of the Piscean Support Group to pat you on the back -- and add a tender, friendly kick in the butt while I'm at it -- in celebration of your recent promise to leave your safety zone. They're a bit worried that you'll be so enamored of the new reserve of courage you've discovered lurking in your depths that you won't muster the incentive to actually use that courage to its hilt. Please prove them wrong. Show us all what it's like for a sensitive soul with a lyrical heart to seek raw adventure in virgin territory.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2009. Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is about 6-9 minutes long. A new forecast for this week is also available.

*

Tune in to my free podcast, Evil Is Boring. Excerpted from my book, PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, it's a meditation on why yawning might be an excellent response when you see another movie drenched with mayhem or another news story oozing pessimism.