The Mystic Astrology Wizard says: Close one of your eyes. Tap your forehead three times with the palm of your left hand. Think of a sexy image. Lick your lips and whisper the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Your evaluation appears below. Your libido has been a bit off-course, semi-absorbed in unfruitful or irrelevant distractions. But now it's realigning itself with the central dream themes of your life. Prepare to experience a truer juiciness.

Want to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly pay-for-view offerings.

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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells. Go here to listen to my free podcasts, which include lots of material from the book.