Scuttlebutt circulating on the Internet claims that the Mississippi state legislature passed a bill regarding the mathematical constant pi, which is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. Instead of the traditional 3.14159, lawmakers decided it should be changed to the "Biblical value" of 3.0. Did this rumored event actually occur? If so, I urge you Aquarians to refuse to recognize it, as well as other abominations like it. You need to be extremely precise in the coming days. You can't afford to try shaving down reality to fit your theories and beliefs. Nor can you ignore details, cut corners, or make wild guesses.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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May you eat an unfamiliar dessert in a strange land at least once every three years.

May you wake up to salsa music one summer morning, and start dancing while you're still half-asleep.

May you spray-paint Rilke poems as graffiti on highway overpasses.

May you mix stripes with plaids, floral patterns with checks, and yellowish-green with brownish-purple.

May you learn to identify by name 20 flowers, 15 trees, 10 clouds, and one extrasolar planet.

May you put a bumper sticker on your car or bike that says, "My god can kick your god's ass!"

If you bury your face in your tear-stained pillow and beg God to please send you your soul mate, may you not slur your words in such a way that they sound like "cell mate."

May you dream of taking a trip to the moon in a gondola powered by firecrackers and wild swans.

May you actually kiss the earth now and then.

May you find many good excuses to say what physicist Niels Bohr once did: "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.