"'Don’t look before you leap!' is a Zen saying that contrasts with what many in the West consider wise counsel," writes Christopher Moors in his article "Magical Buddha Nature" at tinyurl.com/34swxd. "If everything is premeditated, we never have the naked brilliance of a truly new experience. Though we might be able to temper fear in this way, we live at the minimum and have no room for the divine to enter our hearts. Love is above all things the freedom of expansion." I'm passing on this advice, Aries, just in time for the most unboxed, unexpected, unprecedented phase of your astrological cycle. Rely on spontaneity to teach you all you need to know.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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In an article about storytellers in the Los Angeles Times, Leslie Berger profiled a high school teacher named Luigi Jannuzzi. "He once saved the life of a student who was choking on a Life Saver," Berger wrote, "and thus discovered his own gift of gab: He told the kid a joke so funny that his laughter popped the candy out of his throat."

Make up a story in which your sense of humor saves someone's life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It appears you're cooperating (sort of) with an authority figure who's using the carrot-and-stick routine on you. I suppose that could lead you at least part of the way to the promised land--especially if you really believe you can't motivate yourself without the authority's prodding. But if you plan to continue in this vein, Taurus, can I please convince you to ask for the biggest, freshest carrot and a beautifully decorated stick?

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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In the Greek epic, The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men—only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

Tell an analogous story from your own life: an experience in which you were turned into a pig for a while, and became a more beautiful version of yourself when the spell was broken.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Here's Caroline Myss' explanation of faith: "Faith is the power to stand up to the madness and chaos of the physical world while holding the position that nothing external has any authority over what heaven has in mind for you." If you don't like the word "heaven" in Myss' statement, Gemini, substitute a term that works for you, like "your higher self" or "your destiny" or "your soul's code." Modify anything else in there that's not quite right for your needs, as well. When you're finished tinkering, I hope you'll have created a definition of faith that motivates you with as much primal power as you feel when you're in love.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Contrary to what the Bible says, it won't be the meek who shall inherit the earth. On the other hand, the arrogant power mongers won't collect the legacy either. Neither the indecisive wimps nor the acquisitive bullies will contribute much to creating the New World.

Who, then, will inherit the earth? What kind of human beings are best-equipped to thrive in the evolving game of life? We say it will be the well-disciplined pleasure-seekers who are in vigorous dialogue with their own dark sides, who balance the masculine and feminine aspects of their natures, and who master the fine arts of working at their play and playing at their work.

Assume our definition has some validity for you. What would you have to do to become more like one of the inheritors of the earth?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The Guinness Book of Records commissioned miniaturization experts to make the tiniest advertisement in history and affix it to a bee's knee. The writing was so miniscule it was invisible to the naked eye. But now I've created an even smaller ad, which is hidden in the period at the end of this sentence. I don't have enough space to repeat the voluminous information contained therein, but here's the gist: It's a favorable time to dream up new ways to promote yourself, especially if they involve the principle of unleashing whispers that speak louder than shouts.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Somewhere in the world is a tree that has been struck by lightning in such a way that the scorch marks show your initials. Find that tree.

Somewhere in this world, there is a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that is meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that possesses a revelation only you know how to exploit. Go in search of those things.

Somewhere in this world, there is a person who could ask you the precise question you need to hear in order to catalyze the next phase of your evolution. Do what's necessary to run into that person.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Swedish philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg predicted the world would end in 1757. American minister William Miller proclaimed the planet's "purification by fire" would occur in 1844. They're just two of history's many megalomaniacs disguised as moral guardians who've been shills for apocalyptic delusions. (Read the history of apocalyptic predictions.) Our age has more of these wackos per capita, but the song is the same as it ever was. Your assignment, Leo, is to wash the taint of chronic doom-and-gloom propaganda out of your lovely brain. I'm not urging you to be a raving Pollyanna, merely suggesting that you exorcise the fear foisted on you by hysterical prophets of every stripe. That includes peak-oil fanatics, Luddites who preach the gospel of techno-catastrophe, religious fundamentalists hyping Armageddon, and all the other nihilistic storytellers. You urgently need to declare your independence from our culture's professional scaremongers.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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You are a metropolis of 50 trillion citizens, says biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton. Each of the cells in your body can be considered a sentient being in its own right. They all act together as a community, performing an ongoing act of prodigious collaboration. You are an epic collaboration.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) was an intellectual theologian whose doctrines became part of the canon of the Catholic Church, second in importance only to the Bible. But the Church has ignored and disavowed Aurora Consurgens, the work Aquinas reputedly wrote near the end of his life after having mystical visions of the Goddess. "All that I have written seems to me like so much straw," he reported, "compared to what I have seen and what has been revealed to me." Your assignment, Virgo, is to carry out your personal equivalent of what the Catholic Church hasn't been able to do. In other words, integrate the raw wisdom from your past that you've been unable or hesitant to acknowledge.

What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The Indian activist Mahatma Gandhi lead many peaceful rebellions against oppressive governments, first in South Africa and later in British-controlled India. At first he called his strategy "passive resistance," but later disavowed that term because it had negative implications. He ultimately chose the Sanskrit word satyagraha, meaning "love force" or "truth force." "Truth (satya) implies love," he said, "and firmness (agraha) is a synonym for force. Satyagraha is thus the force which is born of truth and love."

Give an example of how you have employed satyagraha in the past, and another example of how you might invoke it in the future.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I asked my readers if they had discovered any of the 888 Perfect Secrets from the Beginning of Time. Hundreds of responses poured in. Of those, I've selected the three that are most useful for you right now. Here they are. (1) Don't sweat the small stuff, but also avoid the mistake of believing that everything is small stuff. Some stuff is big. (2) The past isn't nearly as potent in shaping your present as you imagine. Get over it--both the bad memories and the good ones. (3) Always side with those who tell the most truth. But remember that no one is ever able to tell the whole truth. P.S.: Truth is sneaky and mischievous, often hiding in unexpected places.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care of our physical needs.

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"I've found a nice balance," writes Ash-land, one of my MySpace friends, "between living like someone who has overdosed on positive affirmations and someone who thinks everything and everyone sucks." Are you interested in achieving a similar poise, Scorpio? Conditions are favorable for you to do so. The omens say you're primed to cultivate true objectivity, not the fake cynical kind. And that means you could free yourself from negative emotional biases that cloud your ability to see the partially hidden beauty all around you.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. *

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While living in Manhattan in the 1950s, the avant-garde composer John Cage felt beleaguered by the omnipresence of radio sound. Rather than piss and moan, he wrote a musical piece that featured several radios tuned to different frequencies. After that, he was always able to respond to street radio noise with a pleasant sense of "They're playing my song."

In a way similar to Cage, transmute your relationship with something that annoys you so that it pleases you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It's always a good idea to have a soundtrack for your life--a compilation of tunes that help tone your feelings, keeping you wild-eyed and inspired. But it's also important to continually mutate that soundtrack. Even a set of songs that worked magic for you once upon a time will eventually become outmoded, no longer resonating with the new person you've become and maybe even influencing you to stay stuck in the past. I think this is one of those times when you need to shift the mood, Sagittarius. Go hunt down a fresh batch of heart-massaging, mind-wobbling music.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The iconoclastic physicist Jack Sarfatti proposes that all "creative thought by artists, craftsmen, and scientists involves the subconscious reception of ideas from the future, which literally create themselves." Beauty and Truth Laboratory researcher Vimala Blavatsky puts a different spin on it. "Our future selves are constantly transmitting great ideas to us back through time," she says, "but most of us don't believe that's possible and consequently are not alert for it."

What do you think is the most pressing communiqué your future self is currently beaming your way?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In addition to analyzing the heavenly portents, I sometimes use divination to arrive at your horoscope, including Tarot cards, the I Ching, and walkomancy. In the latter method, I take a stroll and regard any interesting quirks that catch my eye as clues to your destiny. That's what I did this week. After spending an hour in my office meditating on your astrological omens, I headed out to a neighborhood where I'd never been. The first meaningful thing I saw was a sign hanging on a cactus. It read "Caution: Armadillo Crossing." Here's my interpretation of this clue: You should urge your "inner armadillo" to go out exploring, while at the same time making sure it's well protected and cared for. And what is your "inner armadillo"? Maybe it's the burrowing mammal with the heavy armor. What do you think?

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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In ancient Rome, gladiator contests were as popular as today's football games. The warriors back then were not hired heroes as they are now, however. They were slaves or convicts who were forced to fight. Even if they won, they were usually required to return and risk their lives another day. Now and then a grizzled veteran of countless struggles-to-the-death was awarded with the ultimate prize: a wooden sword, symbolizing the end of his role as a gladiator and the beginning of his life as a free man. I'm telling you this because I believe you have earned your own personal equivalent of the wooden sword. Make one for yourself.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Scuttlebutt circulating on the Internet claims that the Mississippi state legislature passed a bill regarding the mathematical constant pi, which is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. Instead of the traditional 3.14159, lawmakers decided it should be changed to the "Biblical value" of 3.0. Did this rumored event actually occur? If so, I urge you Aquarians to refuse to recognize it, as well as other abominations like it. You need to be extremely precise in the coming days. You can't afford to try shaving down reality to fit your theories and beliefs. Nor can you ignore details, cut corners, or make wild guesses.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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May you eat an unfamiliar dessert in a strange land at least once every three years.

May you wake up to salsa music one summer morning, and start dancing while you're still half-asleep.

May you spray-paint Rilke poems as graffiti on highway overpasses.

May you mix stripes with plaids, floral patterns with checks, and yellowish-green with brownish-purple.

May you learn to identify by name 20 flowers, 15 trees, 10 clouds, and one extrasolar planet.

May you put a bumper sticker on your car or bike that says, "My god can kick your god's ass!"

If you bury your face in your tear-stained pillow and beg God to please send you your soul mate, may you not slur your words in such a way that they sound like "cell mate."

May you dream of taking a trip to the moon in a gondola powered by firecrackers and wild swans.

May you actually kiss the earth now and then.

May you find many good excuses to say what physicist Niels Bohr once did: "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"The harder you work, the luckier you get," said golfer Gary Player. If that's true, Pisces, you'll be fabulously fortunate in the coming week. The omens suggest that you will not only have the stamina and persistence to engage in hard labor for a good cause, but that you'll also have a robust desire to do so. You're going to love doing what you have to do. As a result, I bet hard-earned blessings will flow toward you in abundance.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.