I am asking you to give yourself slack in situations where you sometimes treat yourself carelessly or unkindly. Instead of tightening, loosen. Instead of cornering yourself, offer an escape hatch. Ask: “What if I give myself 20% more mercy, 20% more time, or 20% less pressure?” Maybe you'll get an extension on a deadline or allow yourself to be a learner instead of an expert. Rather than calling yourself a failure because you're less than perfect, you'll decide, "It's good enough for now." As you slip away from the traps you set for yourself, you’ll teach your nervous system a fresh truth: You can be gentle with yourself but still be responsible.

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