Aries poet Maya Angelou proclaimed, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." In that spirit, Aries, I urge you to tell everyone everything—all your secret thoughts, hidden feelings, and private opinions. Post your diary online! Confess your fantasies to strangers! Share your unfiltered inner monologue with authority figures! APRIL FOOL! I lied. Angelou urged us to bravely communicate our authentic truths, but not to overshare or be careless about observing good boundaries. Here’s the deep wisdom: Express thoughts and feelings that make you feel real and whole, but be discerning about when, where, and to whom.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Taurus writer Charlotte Brontë said, "I would always rather be happy than dignified." Given your current astrological potentials, I think you should tattoo her motto across your forehead so everyone knows you’re committed to pleasure over propriety. Burn your dressy clothes! Quit doing boring duties! Dance naked in the woods! APRIL FOOL! I don’t really think you should tattoo your forehead or dance naked in public. But Brontë's sentiment is sound: In the coming weeks, if forced to choose between joy and respectability, pick joy every time. Just do it with a modicum of common sense.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Gemini actress Marilyn Monroe said, "A wise girl knows her limits. A smart girl know that she has none.” I propose we expand that counsel to include all genders. And I especially recommend this approach to you right now. It’s time to shed, ignore, and surpass ALL your so-called limits. Be as wild and free and uninhibited as you dare. APRIL FOOL! I worry that it’s irresponsible to give you such utter carte blanche. Would you consider honoring one or two limits that prevent you from indulging in crazy and extreme behavior? Otherwise, be wild and free and uninhibited!

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Psychologist Carl Jung wrote extensively about the importance of embracing our shadows: the dark, problematic aspects of ourselves we would rather not acknowledge. In the coming weeks, I recommend that you stop hiding that weird stuff! Throw a coming-out-of-the-closet party for all the questionable parts of you. Let your inner monsters run wild! APRIL FOOL! Please don't do that. What Jung actually advocated was recognizing and integrating your shadow, not being ruled by it. So yes, explore your moody, unruly impulses, but with consciousness, kindness, and containment, not reckless expression.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Leo author James Baldwin observed, "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." With that in mind, I advise you to spend the next two weeks obsessively staring at every dilemma in your life. Don't look away! Don't take breaks! Just face every dilemma constantly until you’re overwhelmed! APRIL FOOL! Baldwin's insight is brilliant, but it doesn't require masochistic endurance. Here’s the truth: Yes, you should courageously acknowledge what needs attention, but do so with care and discernment. And then actually work on changing it! Awareness is the beginning, not the entire process.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Virgo author Agatha Christie wrote 66 detective novels in which she meticulously planned every plot twist. I think you should apply her approach to your daily life: Script every conversation! Anticipate every contingency! Control every variable! Leave nothing to chance! APRIL FOOL! Christie's obsessive planning worked for fiction, but life requires improvisation. For you, the coming weeks favor spontaneity and flexibility. So make rough plans, sure, but stay loose enough to experiment with whatever emerges. Over-control would diminish the magic.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

My favorite Libran writer didn’t capitalize her name: bell hooks. I recommend you stage a similar rebellion against all rules and structures. Ignore social conventions! Flout traffic laws! Pay your taxes with paintings and poems you’ve created! APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating. I do love hooks’ charming revolt, but it would be counterproductive for you to randomly break all the rules of daily life. Instead, be judicious and selective as you question conventions thoughtfully and only violate those that genuinely deserve to be spurned. Be a strategic rebel, not a chaotic one.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Scorpio poet Sylvia Plath wrote this passage in her journal: "I desire the things which will destroy me in the end." I think you should consider embracing her approach—for the sheer, exotic thrill of it! Pursue interesting chaos! If it might unravel you, welcome it passionately! The more unruly, the better! APRIL FOOL! I lied. Plath was describing her struggle with depression, not offering us advice. Here’s what I think you should actually do: Examine which of your yearnings serve your evolution and which ones undermine it. Fully embrace the fact that intensity is one of your greatest gifts, but channel that intensity into experiences that build you up, not tear you down. Choose ardent aliveness over fervent destruction.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Sagittarian philosopher Baruch Spinoza spent years alone in his room developing his radical ideas about God and nature. I recommend total isolation for you, too. In accordance with astrological omens, avoid human contact! Put your relationships on hold while you contemplate the infinite! APRIL FOOL! I totally lied. Spinoza's solitude served his unique genius, but a similar approach won’t work for you—especially now. Here’s what I really think you require in the coming weeks: periods of meditative alone time balanced by intervals of rich connection with interesting humans. You need to commune with both your deep inner sources and nurturing alliances.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Capricorn astrologer Linda Goodman wrote that your sign's "ambition is boundless" and that most Capricorns dream of ruling the world. In accordance with astrological omens, I urge you to indulge this attribute. Launch a campaign for global domination! Start with your neighborhood and work your way up to more and more conquests! APRIL FOOL! The truth is, world domination is exhausting and impractical. What Goodman was referring to is your gift for structure and leadership. Use your organizational genius to improve your corner of the world, not tyrannize it. Think stewardship, not empire.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." In the spirit, I recommend that you falter spectacularly in the coming weeks. The more blunders and bungles, the better! Engage in a holy quest to seek as many fizzles and misfires as possible! Make Edison look like an amateur! APRIL FOOL! I lied. Edison wasn’t deliberately courting snafus, of course. His approach was similar to that of many creative artists: driven by exploratory persistence that capitalizes on mistakes and hassles. Here’s your real guidance, Aquarius: Experiment boldly, yes, and don't fear stumbles and bumbles. But learn from each one and adjust your approach. The goal is eventual success that’s informed by humility and resiliency.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!

Piscean physicist Albert Einstein said, "Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." In the spirit of his genius, I recommend that you abandon logic completely! Never think rationally again! Make all decisions based on fantasy and feelings! APRIL FOOL! Einstein was advocating for the creative power of imagination, not the abandonment of reason. What you truly need is a marriage of visionary thinking and practical logic. Ask your imagination to show you possibilities, then call on lucid logic to help you manifest them.

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Breaking News! I have extended the time when you can listen to my three-part, in-depth Explorations of Your Long-Range Future. Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures during the rest of 2026? Do you long to slip out of your habitual thoughts about your life and get a more transcendent view?

To access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes, register and/or sign in here, and choose from Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the "Long-Term Prediction for 2026." Each part is a standalone report, not dependent on the other two.

The cost is $7 per horoscope. There are discounts if you buy multiple tokens. Each Long-Range, Big-Picture Audio Forecast is 8 to 11 minutes long. You can also listen to a short-term audio horoscope for the coming week!