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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of September 26th, 2024

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
Here comes the Hating and Mating Season. I want to help you minimize the “hating” part and maximize the “mating” part, so I will offer useful suggestions. 1. To the degree that you can, dissolve grudges and declare amnesty for intimate allies who have bugged you. 2. Ask your partners to help you manage your fears; do the same for them. 3. Propose to your collaborators that you come up with partial solutions to complicated dilemmas. 4. Do a ritual in which you and a beloved cohort praise each other for five minutes. 5. Let go of wishes that your companions would be more like how you want them to be.

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♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
Many fairy tales tell of protagonists who are assigned seemingly impossible missions. Perhaps they must carry water in a sieve or find "fire wrapped in paper" or sort a heap of wheat, barley, poppyseed, chickpeas, and lentils into five separate piles. Invariably, the star of the story succeeds, usually because they exploit some loophole, get unexpected help, or find a solution simply because they didn't realize the task was supposedly impossible. I bring this up, Taurus, because I suspect you will soon be like one of those fairy-tale champions. Here's a tip: They often get unexpected help because they have previously displayed kindness toward strangers or low-status characters. Their unselfishness attracts acts of grace into their lives.

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♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
You are in a phase with great potential for complex, unforeseen fun. To celebrate, I’m offering descriptions of your possible superpowers. 1. The best haggler ever. 2. Smoother of wrinkles and closer of gaps. 3. Laugher in overly solemn moments. 4. Unpredictability expert. 5. Resourceful summoner of allies. 6. Crafty truth-teller who sometimes bends the truth to enrich sterile facts. 7. Riddle wrestler and conundrum connoisseur. 8. Lubricant for those who are stuck. 9. Creative destroyer of useless nonsense. 10. Master of good trickery. 11. Healer of unrecognized and unacknowledged illnesses.

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♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
Tanzanite is a rare blue and violet gemstone that is available in just one place on earth: a five-square-mile region of Tanzania. It was discovered in 1967 and mined intensively for a few years. Geologists believed it was all tapped out. But in 2020, a self-employed digger named Saniniu Lazier located two huge new pieces of tanzanite worth $3.4 million. Later, he uncovered another chunk valued at $2 million. I see you as having resemblances to Saniniu Lazier in the coming weeks. In my visions of your destiny, you will tap into resources that others have not been able to unearth. Or you will find treasure that has been invisible to everyone else.

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♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
Marathon foot races are regularly held worldwide. Their official length is 26.2 miles. Even fast runners with great stamina can't finish in less than two hours. There's a downside to engaging in this herculean effort: Runners lose up to six percent of their brain volume during a race, and their valuable gray matter isn't fully reconstituted for eight months. Now here's my radical prophecy for you, Leo. Unless you run in a marathon sometime soon, your brain may *gain* in volume during the coming weeks. At the very least, your intelligence will be operating at peak levels. It will be a good time to make key decisions.

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♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
Is there a greater waste of land than golf courses? They are typically over 150 acres in size and require huge amounts of water to maintain. Their construction may destroy precious wetlands, and their vast tracts of grass are doused with chemical pesticides. Yet there are only 67 million golfers in the world. Less than one percent of the population plays the sport. Let’s use the metaphor of the golf course as we analyze your life. Are there equivalents of this questionable use of resources and space? Now is a favorable time to downsize irrelevant, misused, and unproductive elements. Re-evaluate how you use your space and resources.

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♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
On the morning of January 27, 1970, Libran songwriter John Lennon woke up with an idea for a new song. He spent an hour perfecting the lyrics and composing the music on a piano. Then he phoned his producer and several musicians, including George Harrison, and arranged for them to meet him at a recording studio later that day. By February 6, the song "Instant Karma" was playing on the radio. It soon sold over a million copies. Was it the fastest time ever for a song to go from a seed idea to a successful release? Probably. I envision a similar process in your life, Libra. You are in a prime position to manifest your good ideas quickly, efficiently, and effectively.

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♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
You have passed the test of the First Threshold. Congratulations, Scorpio! Give yourself a kiss. Fling yourself a compliment. Then begin your preparations for the riddles you will encounter at the Second Threshold. To succeed, you must be extra tender and ingenious. You can do it! There will be one more challenge, as well: the Third Threshold. I’m confident you will glide through that trial not just unscathed but also healed. Here’s a tip from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus: “Those who do not expect the unexpected will not find it.”

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♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
What development are you so ready for that you’re almost too ready? What transformation have you been preparing for so earnestly that you’re on the verge of being overprepared? What lesson are you so ripe and eager to learn that you may be anxiously interfering with its full arrival? If any of the situations I just described are applicable to you, Sagittarius, I have good news. There will be no further postponements. The time has finally arrived to embrace what you have been anticipating.

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♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
Capricorn screenwriter and TV producer Shonda Rhimes has had a spectacular career. Her company Shondaland has produced 11 prime-time TV shows, including Grey's Anatomy and Bridgerton. She's in the Television Hall of Fame, is one of the wealthiest women in America, and has won a Golden Globe award. As you enter into a phase when your ambitions are likely to shine extra brightly, I offer you two of her quotes. 1. “I realized a simple truth: that success, fame, and having all my dreams come true would not fix or improve me. It wasn't an instant potion for personal growth." 2. “Happiness comes from living as your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be."

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♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
I have performed in many poetry readings. Some have been in libraries, auditoriums, cafes, and bookstores, but others have been in unexpected places: a laundromat, a bus station, a Walmart, a grocery store, and an alley behind a thrift store. Both types of locations have been enjoyable. But the latter kind often brings the most raucous and engaging audiences, which I love. According to my analysis, you might generate luck and fun for yourself in the coming weeks by experimenting with non-typical scenarios—akin to me declaiming an epic poem on a street corner or parking lot. Brainstorm about doing what you do best in novel situations.

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If you would like to support my work, please consider buying my books.

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♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
I have two related oracles for you. 1. During the unfoldment of your mysterious destiny, you have had several homecomings that have moved you and galvanized you beyond what you imagined possible. Are you ready for another homecoming that’s as moving and galvanizing as those that have come before? 2. During your long life, you have gathered amazing wisdom by dealing with your pain. Are you now prepared to gather a fresh batch of wisdom by dealing with pleasure and joy?

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If you would like to support my work, please consider buying my books.

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