At enormous cost and after years of study, I have finally figured out the meaning of life, at least as it applies to you Geminis. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to reveal it to you unless you send me $1,000 and a case of Veuve Clicquot champagne. I’ve got to recoup my investment, right?! APRIL FOOL! Most of what I just said was a dirty lie. It’s true that I have worked hard to uncover the meaning of life for you Geminis. But I haven’t found it yet. And even if I did, I would of course provide it to you free. Luckily, you are now in a prime position to make dramatic progress in deciphering the meaning of life for yourself.

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SECOND CHANCE! If you missed the opportunity to hear my BIG-PICTURE, LONG-TERM AUDIO HOROSCOPES FOR 2024, I am making them available again for a week.

Log in as usual, scroll down a bit, and click on Part 1, Part 2, and/or Part 3 of your sign's Long-Term prediction. They all cover different ground. You don't need to hear the other two if just want to listen to one. But hearing all three is triple the fun.

You can also listen to an Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week.