One of the most famously obtuse book-length poems in the English language is Robert Browning's *Sordello*, published in 1840. After studying it at length, Alfred Tennyson, who was Great Britain's Poet Laureate from 1850 to 1892, confessed, "There were only two lines in it that I understood." Personally, I did better than Tennyson, managing to decipher 18 lines. But I bet that if you read this dense, multi-layered text in the coming weeks, you would do better than me and Tennyson. That's because you'll be at the height of your cognitive acumen. Please note: I suggest you use your extra intelligence for more practical purposes than decoding obtuse texts.

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Since 1995, I've been offering my written horoscopes on the Internet for free. I love doing that. It's relaxing to be able to offer you my oracles without asking for anything in return. It's healthy for my soul and yours.

But I also don't mind earning money from doing what I love to do. That's why I create Expanded Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes that cost money -- for those of you who want more of my offerings.

I love you just as much if you don't buy my extra stuff as if you do! No pressure! But if you would like the extra stuff, here's how to get it:

Go to RealAstrology.com. Register or log in. On the new page, you have two choices: Expanded Audio Horoscopes or Daily Text Message Horoscopes.

If you have any questions about how to access them, write to my tech support team at freewillcs@gmail.com.