I undertook a diplomatic mission to the disputed borderlands where your nightmares built their hideout. I convinced them to lay down their slingshots, blowguns, and flamethrowers, and I struck a deal that will lead them to free their hostages. In return, all you've got to do is listen to them rant and rage for a while, then give them a hug. Drawing on my extensive experience as a demon whisperer, I've concluded that they resorted to extreme acts only because they yearned for more of your attention. So grant them that small wish, please!

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YOU NEED MYSTERY. Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation.

One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here.

If you ever want more, try one of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each one is a four-to-five-minute report on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed. It's not a repeat or extension of the written 'scope you read here for free, but rather an entirely fresh exploration of your astrological omens -- designed to help you tune in to and express your soul's code!