You're half-intoxicated by your puzzling adventures -- and half-bewildered, as well. Sometimes you're spinning out fancy moves, sweet tricks, and surprising gambits. On other occasions you're stumbling and bumbling and mumbling. Are you really going to keep up this rhythm? I hope so, because your persistence in navigating through the challenging fun could generate big rewards. Like what, for example? Like the redemptive transformation of a mess into an asset.

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To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Readers of my horoscope column "Free Will Astrology" are sometimes surprised when I say I only believe in astrology about 80 percent. "You're a quack?!" they cry. Not at all, I explain. I've been a passionate student of the ancient art for years. About the time my over-educated young brain was on the verge of desertification, crazy wisdom showed up in the guise of astrology, moistening my soul just in time to save it.

"But what about the other 20 percent?" they press on. "Are you saying your horoscopes are only partially true?"

I assure them that my doubt proves my love. By cultivating a tender, cheerful skepticism, I inoculate myself against the virus of fanaticism. This ensures that astrology will be a supple tool in my hands, an adaptable art form, and not a rigid, explain-it-all dogma that over-literalizes and distorts the mysteries it seeks to illuminate.

Read the rest of this oracular essay.

"Free your mind and your ass will follow," sings funk pioneer George Clinton in his song "Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts." And what's the best way to free your mind? Clinton advises you to "Be careful of the thought-seeds you plant in the garden of your mind." That's because the ideas you obsess on will eventually grow into the experiences you attract into your life. "Good thoughts bring forth good fruit," he croons, while "Bullshit thoughts rot your meat." Any questions, Taurus? According to my astrological analysis, this is the best possible counsel for you to receive right now.

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Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Some people put their faith in religion or science or political ideologies. English novelist J.G. Ballard placed his faith elsewhere: in the imagination. "I believe in the power of the imagination to remake the world," he wrote, "to release the truth within us, to hold back the night, to transcend death, to charm motorways, to ingratiate ourselves with birds, to enlist the confidences of madmen."

How do you use the power of imagination to remake the world?

James Loewen wrote a book called Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong. He said, for instance, that during the Europeans' invasion and conquest of the continent, it wasn't true that Native Americans scalped white settlers. In fact, it was mostly the other way around: whites scalped Indians. Here's another example: The famous blind and deaf person, Helen Keller, was not a sentimental spokesperson for sweetness and light, but rather a radical feminist and socialist who advocated revolution. I invite you to apply Loewen's investigative approach to your personal past, Gemini. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to uncover hidden, incomplete, and distorted versions of your history, and correct them.

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Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here are practical ways I carry on the work of championing and embodying the Divine Feminine:

I regard relationship as a crucible for spiritual work.

I think of the practical expression of kindness and compassion and ethical behavior as an essential spiritual practice.

I assume that a crucial element of spiritual practice is the consciousness and compassion we bring to the sometimes chaotic and messy details of being human beings.

I proceed as if loving and caring for animals and plants and the Earth is the test of our spiritual intentions.

I regard play and fun and humor as not diversions from "serious" spiritual work, but rather being at the center of it.

There are more, but I'll stop for now. What about you? What are the practical ways you carry on the work of loving Goddess?

Roger Hodge writes books now, but when he worked for Harper's magazine, he had an unusual specialty. He gathered heaps of quirky facts, and assembled several at a time into long sentences that had a nutty poetic grace. Here's an example: "British cattle have regional accents, elephants mourn their dead, nicotine sobers drunk rats, scientists have concluded that teenagers are physically incapable of being considerate, and clinical trials of an 'orgasmatron' are underway in North Carolina." I'm offering Hodge as a worthy role model for you in the coming weeks, Cancerian. Be curious, miscellaneous, and free-flowing. Let your mind wander luxuriantly as you make unexpected connections. Capitalize on the potential blessings that appear through zesty twists and tangy turns.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I invite you to say the following, and see how it feels:

Everyone is my teacher.

Everywhere I go, I am a student.

Every person I meet is in some way my superior.

I vow to shut up and listen on a frequent and regular basis.

In Japan you can buy a brand of candy that's called The Great Buddha's Nose Snot. Each piece consists of a rice puff that resembles the Buddha's nose filled with bits of brown sugar that symbolize the snot. The candy-making company assures customers that eating this treat brings them good luck. I invite you to be equally earthy and irreverent about your own spiritual values in the coming days. You're in prime position to humanize your relationship with divine influences . . . to develop a more visceral passion for your holiest ideals . . . to translate your noblest aspirations into practical, enjoyable actions.

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Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here's a thought experiment you could try for the next 24 hours: Every time a negative or fearful thought rises up, substitute a thought, imagination, or memory that energizes you and makes you feel genuinely good.

It's only for one day. You can do it!

Will a routine trip to carry out an errand take you on a detour to the suburbs of the promised land? Will you worry you're turning into a monster, only to find the freakishness is just a phase that you had to pass through on your way to unveiling some of your dormant beauty? Will a provocative figure from the past lead you on a productive wild-goose chase into the future? These are some of the possible storylines I'll be monitoring as I follow your progress in the coming weeks.

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No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Each one of us is a blend of life and death. In the most literal sense, our bodies always contain old cells that are dying and new cells that are emerging as replacements.

From a more metaphorical perspective, our familiar ways of seeing and thinking and feeling are constantly atrophying, even as fresh modes emerge. Both losing and winning are woven into every day; sinking down and rising up; shrinking and expanding.

In any given phase of our lives, one or the other polarity is often more pronounced. But sometimes they are evenly balanced; the Seasons of Rot and of Regeneration happen at the same time.

Where are you at in the cycle right now?

Let's meet in the woods after midnight and tell each other stories about our origins, revealing the secrets we almost forgot we had. Let's sing the songs that electrified our emotions all those years ago when we first fell in love with our lives. Starlight will glow on our ancient faces. The fragrance of loam will seep into our voices like rainwater feeding the trees' roots. We'll feel the earth turning on its axis, and sense the rumble of future memories coming to greet us. We'll join hands, gaze into the dreams in each other's eyes, and dive as deep as we need to go to find hidden treasures.

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Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? Do you find that you're getting more skillful at minimizing your suffering? Are you turning out to be the hero of your own life?

I don't usually recommend giving gifts with strings attached. On the contrary, I advise you to offer your blessings without having any expectations at all. Generosity often works best when the recipients are free to use it any way they see fit. In the coming weeks, however, I'm making an exception to my rule. According to my reading of the omens, now is a time to be specific and forceful about the way you'd like your gifts to be used. As an example of how *not* to proceed, consider the venture capitalist who donated $25,000 to the University of Colorado. All he got in return was a rest room in a campus building named after him. If you give away $25,000, Scorpio, make sure you at least get a whole building named after you.

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I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What nourishes you emotionally and spiritually?

I'm not talking about what entertains you or flatters you or takes your mind off your problems.

I'm referring to the influences that make you stronger and the people who see you for who you really are and the situations that teach you life-long lessons.

I mean the beauty that replenishes your psyche and the symbols that consistently restore your balance and the memories that keep feeding your ability to rise to each new challenge.

I invite you to take inventory of these precious assets. And then make a special point of nurturing them back.

Now that you're getting a taste of what life would be like if you ruled the world, I'll recommend a manual. It's called How To Start Your Own Country, by Erwin Strauss. (Get a free peek here.) You could study it for tips on how to obtain national sovereignty, how to recruit new citizens, and how to avoid paying taxes to yourself. (P.S.: You can make dramatic strides toward being the boss of yourself and your destiny even without forming your own nation.)

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For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here's a prescription that may help you make optimal use of your precious life energy:

Set an intention to clarify your intentions about the essential matters in your life. Say "I am clarifying my intentions about . . ."

"who I really am"

"whom and what I love"

"how I want to serve my fellow creatures and the planet Earth"

"the unripe qualities in myself that I am ripening"

"what I need to do next"

"the best way for me to make money"

"the moral principles I hold most strongly"

"the truth about my relationship to the Source"

"the best use of my creative energy"

others?

There was a time when not even the most ambitious explorers climbed mountains. In the western world, the first time it happened was in 1492, when a Frenchman named Antoine de Ville ascended to the top of Mont Aiguille, using ladders, ropes, and other props. I see you as having a kinship with de Ville in the coming weeks, Capricorn. I'd love to see you embark on a big adventure that would involve you trying on the role of a pioneer. This feat wouldn't necessarily require strenuous training and physical courage. It might be more about daring creativity and moral courage.

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Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You're a gorgeous mystery with a wild heart and a lofty purpose. But like all of us, you also have a dark side -- a part of your psyche that snarls and bites, that's unconscious and irrational, that is motivated by ill will or twisted passions or instinctual fears.

It's your own personal portion of the world's sickness: a mess of repressed longings, enervating wounds, ignorant delusions, and unripe powers. You'd prefer to ignore it because it's unflattering or uncomfortable or very different from what you imagine yourself to be.

If you acknowledge its existence at all (many of us don't), you might call it the devil, your evil twin, your inner monster, or your personal demon. Psychologist Carl Jung referred to it as the shadow. He regarded it as the lead that the authentic alchemists of the Middle Ages sought to transmute into gold.

Science fiction proposes that there are alternate worlds alongside the visible one -- hidden, yes, but perhaps accessible with the right knowledge or luck. In recent years, maverick physicists have given the idea more credibility, theorizing that parallel universes exist right next to ours. Even if these hypothetical places aren't literally real, they serve as an excellent metaphor. Most of us are so thoroughly embedded in our own chosen niche that we are oblivious to the realities that other people inhabit. I bring these thoughts to your attention, Aquarius, because it's a favorable time to tap into those alternate, parallel, secret, unknown, or unofficial realms. Wake up to the rich sources that have been so close to you, but so far away.

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I hope you can obtain the Avatar Elixir stashed in the golden obelisk in the underground fortress beneath the glass mountain. It will allow you to produce the "triple-helix" energy that will give you the power to cross freely back and forth through the gateway between universes.

Then the thunder and lightning will obey your commands. Rivers and comets will become your allies. Every star in the sky will shine directly on you. Animals will prove their love again and again. You will always know the truest words to say.

And if for some reason you're not able to get your hands on that Avatar Elixir, you may be able to achieve similar results by drinking a bottle of beer that's currently stashed in the lower left rear section of the beverage cooler at a convenience store within five miles of your home.

(Magic might be wherever you think it is.)

I'm always in favor of you cultivating a robust relationship with your primal longings. But I'll be rooting extra hard for you to do that during the next eleven months. I hope you will dig deep to identify your primal longings, and I hope you will revere them as the wellspring of your life energy, and I hope you will figure out all the tricks and strategies you will need to fulfill them. Here's a hint about how to achieve the best results as you do this noble work: Define your primal longings with as much precision as you can, so that you will never pursue passing fancies that bear just a superficial resemblance to the real things.

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Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Are you willing to push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart . . . even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections, never demeaning the present by comparing it to an idealized past or future?