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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny

Week of August 31st, 2017


(February 19-March 20)
Want to live to be 100? Then be as boring as possible. That's the conclusion of longevity researchers, as reported by the Weekly World News. To ensure a maximum life span, you should do nothing that excites you. You should cultivate a neutral, blah personality, and never travel far from home. JUST KIDDING! I lied. The Weekly World News is in fact a famous purveyor of fake news. The truth, according to my analysis of the astrological omens, is that you should be less boring in the next seven weeks than you have ever been in your life. To do so will be superb for your health, your wealth, and your future.


When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.


SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
As I meditated on what advice might purify and supercharge your love life, I got to thinking about a statement attributed to French poet Paul Valery. "Love is being stupid together," he said.

There's an element of truth to this notion, but it's too corny and degenerate for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting and complete truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost your IQ.

Your relationship should be a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works. If you can't share your love with such a person, don't share your love with anyone.