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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of May 18th, 2017

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
"A two-year-old kid is like using a blender, but you don't have a top for it," said comedian Jerry Seinfeld. Would you like to avoid a scenario like that, Aries? Would you prefer not to see what happens if your life has resemblances to turning on a topless blender that's full of ingredients? Yes? Then please find the top and put it on! And if you can't locate the proper top, use a dinner plate or newspaper or pizza box. OK? It's not too late. Even if the blender is already spewing almond milk and banana fragments and protein powder all over the ceiling. Better late than never!

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