Would you consider enrolling in my Self-Pity Seminar? If so, you would learn that obsessing on self-pity is a means to an end, not a morass to get lost in. You would feel sorry for yourself for brief, intense periods so that you could feel proud and brave the rest of the time. For a given period -- let's say three days -- you would indulge and indulge and indulge in self-pity until you entirely exhausted that emotion. Then you'd be free to engage in an orgy of self-healing, self-nurturing, and self-celebration. Ready to get started? Ruminate about the ways that people don't fully appreciate you.

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