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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of July 28th, 2016

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
Free your body. Don't ruminate and agonize about it. FREE YOUR BODY! Be brave and forceful. Do it simply and easily. Free your gorgeously imperfect, wildly intelligent body. Allow it to be itself in all of its glory. Tell it you're ready to learn more of its secrets and adore its mysteries. Be in awe of its unfathomable power to endlessly carry out the millions of chemical reactions that keep you alive and thriving. How can you not be overwhelmed with gratitude for your hungry, curious, unpredictable body? Be grateful for its magic. Love the blessings it bestows on you. Celebrate its fierce animal elegance.

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Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine.

I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good.

What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
The people of many cultures have imagined the sun god as possessing masculine qualities. But in some traditions, the Mighty Father is incomplete without the revitalizing energies of the Divine Mother. The Maoris, for example, believe that every night the solar deity has to marinate in her nourishing uterine bath. Otherwise he wouldn't be strong enough to rise in the morning. And how does this apply to you? Well, you currently have resemblances to the weary old sun as it dips below the horizon. I suspect it's time to recharge your powers through an extended immersion in the deep, dark waters of the primal feminine.

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How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Philosopher William James proposed that if our culture ever hoped to shed the deeply ingrained habit of going to war, we'd have to create a moral equivalent. It's not enough to preach the value of peace, he said. We have to find other ways to channel our aggressive instincts in order to accomplish what war does, like stimulate political unity and build civic virtue.

Astrology provides a complementary perspective. Each of us has the warrior energy of the planet Mars in our psychological make-up. We can't simply repress it, but must find a positive way to express it. How you might go about this project?

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
An Interesting Opportunity is definitely in your vicinity. It may slink tantalizingly close to you in the coming days, even whisper your name from afar. But I doubt that it will knock on your door. It probably won't call you seven times on the phone or flash you a big smile or send you an engraved invitation. So you should make yourself alert for the Interesting Opportunity's unobtrusive behavior. It could be a bit shy or secretive or modest. Once you notice it, you may have to come on strong -- you know, talk to it sweetly or ply it with treats.

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Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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There was once a poor farmer who could afford to own just one horse. He cared well for the animal, but one summer night, it escaped through a weak fence and ran away.

When his neighbors discovered what had happened, they visited to offer their condolences. "What bad luck!" they exclaimed. The farmer replied, "Maybe. Maybe not."

A week later, the fugitive horse sauntered back to the homestead, accompanied by six wild horses. The farmer and his son managed to corral all of them. Again the neighbors descended. "What great luck!" they exclaimed. "Maybe," the farmer replied. "Maybe not."

Soon the farmer's son began the work of taming the new arrivals. While attempting to ride the roan stallion, he was thrown to the ground and half-trampled. His leg was badly broken. The neighbors came to investigate. "What terrible luck!" they exclaimed. The farmer replied, "Maybe. Maybe not."

The next day, soldiers visited the farmer's village. Strife had recently broken out between two warlords, and one of them had come to conscript all the local young men. Though every other son was commandeered, the farmer's boy was exempted because of his injury. The neighbors gathered again. "What fantastic luck!" they exclaimed. "Maybe," the farmer said. "Maybe not."

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
[Editor's note: The counsel offered in the following oracle was channeled from the Goddess by Rob Brezsny. If you have any problems with it, direct your protests to the Queen Wow, not Brezsny.] It's time to get more earthy and practical about practicing your high ideals and spiritual values. Translate your loftiest intentions into your most intimate behavior. Ask yourself, "How does Goddess want me to respond when my co-worker pisses me off?", or "How would Goddess like me to brush my teeth and watch TV and make love?" For extra credit, get a t-shirt that says, "Goddess was my co-pilot, but we crash-landed in the wilderness and I was forced to eat her."

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"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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A Spell to Commit Pronoia, by psychotherapist Jennifer Welwood:

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I am given unimaginable gifts;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is pure delight,
To honor it is true devotion.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
Be alert for white feathers gliding on the wind. Before eating potato chips, examine each one to see if it bears a likeness of Rihanna or the Virgin Mary. Keep an eye out, too, for portents like robots wearing dreadlocked wigs or antique gold buttons lying in the gutter or senior citizens cursing at invisible Martians. The appearance of anomalies like these will be omens that suggest you will soon be the recipient of crazy good fortune. But if you would rather not wait around for chance events to trigger your good luck, simply make it your fierce intention to generate it. Use your optimism-fueled willpower and your flair for creative improvisation. You will have abundant access to these talents in the coming weeks.

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I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
You have just begun your big test. How are you doing so far? According to my analysis, the preliminary signs suggest that you have a good chance of proving the old maxim, "If it doesn't make you so crazy that you put your clothes on inside-out and try to kiss the sky until you cry, it will help you win one of your biggest arguments with Life." In fact, I suspect we will ultimately see you undergo at least one miraculous and certifiably melodramatic transformation. A wart on your attitude could dissolve, for example. A luminous visitation may heal one of your blind spots. You might find a satisfactory substitute for kissing the sky.

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All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
For many years, my occupation was "starving artist." I focused on improving my skills as a writer and musician, even though those activities rarely earned me any money. To ensure my survival, I worked as little as necessary at low-end jobs -- scrubbing dishes at restaurants, digging ditches for construction companies, delivering newspapers in the middle of the night, and volunteering for medical experiments. During the long hours spent doing tasks that had little meaning to me, I worked diligently to remain upbeat. One trick that worked well was imagining future scenes when I would be engaged in exciting creative work that paid me a decent wage. It took a while, but eventually those visions materialized in my actual life. I urge you to try this strategy in the coming months, Libra. Harness your mind's eye in the service of generating the destiny you want to inhabit.

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What are the obvious secrets you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating.

Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
You have every right to celebrate your own personal Independence Day sometime soon. In fact, given the current astrological omens, you'd be justified in embarking on a full-scale emancipation spree in the coming weeks. It will be prime time to seize more freedom and declare more autonomy and build more self-sufficiency. Here's an important nuance to the work you have ahead of you: Make sure you escape the tyranny of not just the people and institutions that limit your sovereignty, but also the voices in your own head that tend to hinder your flow.

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Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
Of all the forbidden fruits that you fantasize about, which one is your favorite? Among the intriguing places you consider to be outside of your comfort zone, which might inspire you to redefine the meaning of "comfort"? The coming weeks will be a favorable time to reconfigure your relationship with these potential catalysts. And while you're out on the frontier dreaming of fun experiments, you might also want to flirt with other wild cards and strange attractors. Life is in the mood to tickle you with useful surprises.

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Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.

For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.

Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.

When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.

Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.

Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.

Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.

Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.

Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
You have a special talent for accessing wise innocence. In some ways you're virginal, fresh, and raw, and in other ways you're mature, seasoned, and well-developed. I hope you will regard this not as a confusing paradox but rather as an exotic strength. With your inner child and your inner mentor working in tandem, you could accomplish heroic feats of healing. Their brilliant collaboration could also lead to the mending of an old rift.

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You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What are mirabilia? They're phenomena that inspire wonder, winsome curiosities, small marvels, eccentric enchantments. Here are a few:

* The National Center for Atmospheric Research reports that the average cloud is the same weight as 100 elephants.

* The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100 miles.

* With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many seahorse colonies perform a dance to the sun.

* A seven-year-old Minnesota boy received patent number 6,368,227 for a new method of swinging on a swing.

* Clown fish can alter their gender as their social status rises.

* In the Hindu epic the Mahabharata, the hero and heroine fall in love without ever gazing upon each other, simply by hearing tales about each other's good deeds.

* Twelve percent of the population believes that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.

* The closest modern relative of the Tyrannosaurus rex may be the chicken.

* Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone near them does.

* Singing Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia.

* The moon smells like exploded firecrackers.

* Black sheep have a better sense of smell than white sheep.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
"Where is everybody when I need them?" Even if you haven't actually spoken those words recently, I'm guessing the voices in your head have whispered them. But from what I can tell, that complaint will soon be irrelevant. It will no longer match reality. Your allies will start offering more help and resources. They may not be perfectly conscientious in figuring out how to be of service, but they'll be pretty good. Here's what you can do to encourage optimal results: 1. Purge your low, outmoded expectations. 2. Open your mind and heart to the possibility that people can change. 3. Humbly ask -- out loud, not just in the privacy of your imagination -- for precisely what you want.

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Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted.

Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
Millions of Pisceans less fortunate than you won't read this horoscope. Uninformed about the rocky patch of Yellow Brick Road that lies just ahead, they may blow a gasket or get a flat tire. You, on the other hand, will benefit from my oracular foreshadowing, as well as my inside connections with the Lords of Funky Karma. You will therefore be likely to drive with relaxed caution, keeping your vehicle unmarred in the process. That's why I'm predicting that although you may not arrive speedily at the next leg of your trip, you will do so safely and in style.

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When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Novel intuitions are erupting from your smart heart, awakening you from any trance you've been ensnared in. You're breaking and escaping obstructions that have suppressed your brilliance. Your soul's code is unleashing itself, revealing in explosive precision why you're a miraculous work of art, proving with intricate artistry why you're a masterpiece unlike any other ever created in the history of the world.


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



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