In 1841, a British medical journal prescribed the following remedy for the common cold: "Nail a hat on the wall near the foot of your bed, then retire to that bed, and drink spirits until you see two hats." My expert astrological analysis reveals that this treatment is likely to cure not just the sniffles, but also any other discomforts you're suffering from, whether physical or emotional or spiritual. So I hope you own a hat, hammer, and nails. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The method I suggested probably won't help alleviate what ails you. But here's a strategy that might: Get rid of anything that's superfluous, rotten, outdated, or burdensome.

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When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Breathe sweetly and deeply. As you inhale, remember that the calcium in your bones and the iron in your blood were originally created at the core of a red giant star that died billions of years ago.

As you exhale, allow your perfect animal body to gentle explode with luminous gratitude. Feel streams of orgiastic compassion flowing out of your wild heart in spiral hallelujahs . . . .

Hear the rest of this meditation.