Just one species has a big enough throat to swallow a person whole: the sperm whale. If you happen to be sailing the high seas any time soon, I hope you will studiously avoid getting thrown overboard in the vicinity of one of these beasts. The odds are higher than usual that you'd end up in its belly, much like the Biblical character Jonah. (Although, like him, I bet you'd ultimately escape.) Furthermore, Aries, I hope you will be cautious not to get swallowed up by anything else. It's true that the coming weeks will be a good time to go on a retreat, to flee from the grind and take a break from the usual frenzy. But the best way to do that is to consciously choose the right circumstances rather than leave it to chance.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Are you willing to push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart . . . even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections, never demeaning the present by comparing it to an idealized past or future?

You have cosmic clearance to fantasize of participating in orgies where you're intoxicated and free of your inhibitions. It's probably not a good idea to attend a literal orgy, however. All the cleansing revelry and cathartic rapture you need for now can be obtained through the wild stories and outrageous scenes that unfold in your imagination. Giving yourself the gift of pretend immersions in fertile chaos could recharge your spiritual batteries in just the right ways.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Readers of my horoscope column "Free Will Astrology" are sometimes surprised when I say I only believe in astrology about 80 percent. "You're a quack?!" they cry. Not at all, I explain. I've been a passionate student of the ancient art for years. About the time my over-educated young brain was on the verge of desertification, crazy wisdom showed up in the guise of astrology, moistening my soul just in time to save it.

"But what about the other 20 percent?" they press on. "Are you saying your horoscopes are only partially true?"

I assure them that my doubt proves my love. By cultivating a tender, cheerful skepticism, I inoculate myself against the virus of fanaticism. This ensures that astrology will be a supple tool in my hands, an adaptable art form, and not a rigid, explain-it-all dogma that over-literalizes and distorts the mysteries it seeks to illuminate.

Read the rest of this oracular essay.

"Hell is the suffering of being unable to love," wrote novelist J. D. Salinger. If that's true, I'm pleased to announce that you can now ensure you'll be free of hell for a very long time. The cosmic omens suggest that you have enormous power to expand your capacity for love. So get busy! Make it your intention to dissolve any unconscious blocks you might have about sharing your gifts and bestowing your blessings. Get rid of attitudes and behaviors that limit your generosity and compassion. Now is an excellent time to launch your "Perpetual Freedom from Hell" campaign!

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Some people put their faith in religion or science or political ideologies. English novelist J.G. Ballard placed his faith elsewhere: in the imagination. "I believe in the power of the imagination to remake the world," he wrote, "to release the truth within us, to hold back the night, to transcend death, to charm motorways, to ingratiate ourselves with birds, to enlist the confidences of madmen."

How do you use the power of imagination to remake the world?

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking," said journalist Earl Wilson. Do you fit that description, Cancerian? Probably. I suspect it's high time to find a polite way to flee your responsibilities, avoid your duties, and hide from your burdens. For the foreseeable future, you have a mandate to ignore what fills you with boredom. You have the right to avoid any involvement that makes life too complicated. And you have a holy obligation to rethink your relationship with any influence that weighs you down with menial obligations.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here are practical ways I carry on the work of championing and embodying the Divine Feminine:

I regard relationship as a crucible for spiritual work.

I think of the practical expression of kindness and compassion and ethical behavior as an essential spiritual practice.

I assume that a crucial element of spiritual practice is the consciousness and compassion we bring to the sometimes chaotic and messy details of being human beings.

I proceed as if loving and caring for animals and plants and the Earth is the test of our spiritual intentions.

I regard play and fun and humor as not diversions from "serious" spiritual work, but rather being at the center of it.

There are more, but I'll stop for now. What about you? What are the practical ways you carry on the work of loving Goddess?

Sportswear manufacturer Adidas is looking for ways to repurpose trash that humans dump in the oceans. One of its creations is a brand of shoe made from illegal deep-sea nets that have been confiscated from poachers. I invite you to get inspired by Adidas's work. From an astrological perspective, now is a good time to expand and refine your personal approach to recycling. Brainstorm about how you could convert waste and garbage into useful, beautiful resources -- not just literally, but also metaphorically. For example, is there a ruined or used-up dream that could provide the raw material for a bright shiny new dream?

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I invite you to say the following, and see how it feels:

Everyone is my teacher.

Everywhere I go, I am a student.

Every person I meet is in some way my superior.

I vow to shut up and listen on a frequent and regular basis.

"We are defined by the lines we choose to cross or to be confined by," says Virgo writer A. S. Byatt. That's a key meditation for you as you enter a phase in which boundaries will be a major theme. During the next eight weeks, you will be continuously challenged to decide which people and things and ideas you want to be part of your world, and which you don't. In some cases you'll be wise to put up barriers and limit connection. In other cases, you'll thrive by erasing borders and transcending divisions. The hard part -- and the fun part -- will be knowing which is which. Trust your gut.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here's a thought experiment you could try for the next 24 hours: Every time a negative or fearful thought rises up, substitute a thought, imagination, or memory that energizes you and makes you feel genuinely good.

It's only for one day. You can do it!

When life gives you lemon juice from concentrate, citric acid, high-fructose corn syrup, modified cornstarch, potassium citrate, yellow food dye, and gum acacia, what should you do? Make lemonade, of course! You might wish that all the raw ingredients life sends your way would be pure and authentic, but sometimes the mix includes artificial stuff. No worries, Libra! I am confident you have the imaginative chutzpah and resilient willpower necessary to turn the mishmash into passable nourishment. Or here's another alternative: You could procrastinate for two weeks, when more of the available resources will be natural.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Each one of us is a blend of life and death. In the most literal sense, our bodies always contain old cells that are dying and new cells that are emerging as replacements.

From a more metaphorical perspective, our familiar ways of seeing and thinking and feeling are constantly atrophying, even as fresh modes emerge. Both losing and winning are woven into every day; sinking down and rising up; shrinking and expanding.

In any given phase of our lives, one or the other polarity is often more pronounced. But sometimes they are evenly balanced; the Seasons of Rot and of Regeneration happen at the same time.

Where are you at in the cycle right now?

Your Mythic Metaphor for the coming weeks is dew. Many cultures have regarded it as a symbol of life-giving grace. In Kabbalah, divine dew seeps from the Tree of Life. In Chinese folklore, the lunar dew purifies vision and nurtures longevity. In the lore of ancient Greece, dew confers fertility. The Iroquois speak of the Great Dew Eagle, who drops healing moisture on land ravaged by evil spirits. The creator god of the Ashanti people made dew right after completing the sun, moon, and stars. Lao-Tse said it's an emblem of the harmonious marriage between Earth and Heaven. So what will you do with the magic dew you'll be blessed with?

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? Do you find that you're getting more skillful at minimizing your suffering? Are you turning out to be the hero of your own life?

It's prime time for you to love your memory, make vivid use of your memory, and enhance your memory. Here are some hints about how: 1. Feel appreciation for the way the old stories of your life form the core of your identity and self-image. 2. Draw on your recollections of the past to guide you in making decisions about the imminent future. 3. Notice everything you see with an intensified focus, because then you will remember it better, and this will come in handy quite soon. 4. Make up new memories that you wish had happened. Have fun creating scenes from an imagined past.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What nourishes you emotionally and spiritually?

I'm not talking about what entertains you or flatters you or takes your mind off your problems.

I'm referring to the influences that make you stronger and the people who see you for who you really are and the situations that teach you life-long lessons.

I mean the beauty that replenishes your psyche and the symbols that consistently restore your balance and the memories that keep feeding your ability to rise to each new challenge.

I invite you to take inventory of these precious assets. And then make a special point of nurturing them back.

Most of us know what Albert Einstein's greatest idea was: the general theory of relativity. But what was his second-best discovery? Here's what he said it was: adding an egg to the pot while he cooked his soup. That way, he could produce a soft-boiled egg without having to dirty a second pot. What are the first- and second-most fabulous ideas you've ever come up with, Capricorn? I suspect you are on the verge of producing new candidates to compete with them. Do you mind if at least temporarily I refer to you as a genius?

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Here's a prescription that may help you make optimal use of your precious life energy:

Set an intention to clarify your intentions about the essential matters in your life. Say "I am clarifying my intentions about . . ."

"who I really am"

"whom and what I love"

"how I want to serve my fellow creatures and the planet Earth"

"the unripe qualities in myself that I am ripening"

"what I need to do next"

"the best way for me to make money"

"the moral principles I hold most strongly"

"the truth about my relationship to the Source"

"the best use of my creative energy"

Others?

You may be familiar with the iconic children's book Where the Wild Things Are. It's about a boy named Max who takes a dream-like journey from his bedroom to an exotic island, where he becomes king of the weird beasts who live there. Author Maurice Sendak's original title for the tale was Where the Wild Horses Are. But when his editor realized how inept Sendak was at drawing horses, she instructed him to come up with a title to match the kinds of creatures he could draw skillfully. That was a good idea. The book has sold over 19 million copies. I think you may need to deal with a comparable issue, Aquarius. It's wise to acknowledge one of your limitations, and then capitalize on the adjustments you've got to make.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You're a gorgeous mystery with a wild heart and a lofty purpose. But like all of us, you also have a dark side -- a part of your psyche that snarls and bites, that's unconscious and irrational, that is motivated by ill will or twisted passions or instinctual fears.

It's your own personal portion of the world's sickness: a mess of repressed longings, enervating wounds, ignorant delusions, and unripe powers. You'd prefer to ignore it because it's unflattering or uncomfortable or very different from what you imagine yourself to be.

If you acknowledge its existence at all (many of us don't), you might call it the devil, your evil twin, your inner monster, or your personal demon. Psychologist Carl Jung referred to it as the shadow. He regarded it as the lead that the authentic alchemists of the Middle Ages sought to transmute into gold.

"People don’t want their lives fixed," proclaims Chuck Palahniuk in his novel Survivor. "Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown." Your challenge in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to prove Palahniuk wrong, at least in regards to you. From what I can tell, you will have unprecedented opportunities to solve problems and fix your life. And if you take even partial advantage of this gift, you will not be plunged into the big scary unknown, but rather into a constructive new phase of shaping your identity.

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It's not too late to listen to my Big-Picture, In-Depth Explorations of Your Destiny in 2016. What will be the story of your life in the coming months? What new influences will be headed your way? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register and/or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

The cost is $6 per sign, but there are discounts if you buy multiple tokens.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I hope you can obtain the Avatar Elixir stashed in the golden obelisk in the underground fortress beneath the glass mountain. It will allow you to produce the "triple-helix" energy that will give you the power to cross freely back and forth through the gateway between universes.

Then the thunder and lightning will obey your commands. Rivers and comets will become your allies. Every star in the sky will shine directly on you. Animals will prove their love again and again. You will always know the truest words to say.

And if for some reason you're not able to get your hands on that Avatar Elixir, you may be able to achieve similar results by drinking a bottle of beer that's currently stashed in the lower left rear section of the beverage cooler at a convenience store within five miles of your home.

(Magic might be wherever you think it is.)