"Charm is a way of getting the answer 'yes' without having asked any clear question," wrote French author Albert Camus. I have rarely seen you better poised than you are now to embody and capitalize on this definition of "charm," Aries. That's good news, right? Well, mostly. But there are two caveats. First, wield your mojo as responsibly as you can. Infuse your bewitching allure with integrity. Second, be precise about what it is you want to achieve -- even if you don't come right out and tell everyone what it is. Resist the temptation to throw your charm around haphazardly.

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I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Welcome to the Beauty and Truth Lab.

We're coming to you live from your repressed memories of paradise, reminding you that you can have anything you want if you will just ask for it in an unselfish way.

Welcome to the end of your nightmares, beauty and truth fans!

The world is young, your soul is free, and a naked celebrity is dying to talk to you about your most intimate secrets right now.

Just kidding.

In fact, the world is young, your soul is free, and at any moment you will feel a flood of ecstatic compassion for salamanders, oak trees, clouds, toasters, convenience store clerks, and even the ocean itself.

I'm your host.

My name is the Sacred Janitor at the Edge of Time, and I'm proud to announce that this is a perfect moment.

It's a perfect moment for many reasons, but especially because you are on the verge of finally figuring out exactly what it is you really want more than anything else . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

I suspect that in the coming days you will have an uncanny power to make at least one of your resurrection fantasies come true. Here are some of the possibilities. 1. If you're brave enough to change your mind and shed some pride, you could retrieve an expired dream from limbo. 2. By stirring up a bit more chutzpah that you usually have at your disposal, you might be able to revive and even restore a forsaken promise. 3. Through an act of grace, it's possible you will reanimate an ideal that was damaged or abandoned.

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For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter.

And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it's impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be.

That's why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.

Hear this meditation.

To the other eleven signs of the zodiac, the Way of the Gemini sometimes seems rife with paradox and contradiction. Many non-Geminis would feel paralyzed if they had to live in the midst of so much hubbub. But when you are at your best, you thrive in the web of riddles. In fact, your willingness to abide there is often what generates your special magic. Your breakthroughs are made possible by your high tolerance for uncertainty. How many times have I seen a Gemini who has been lost in indecision but then suddenly erupts with a burst of crackling insights? This is the kind of subtle miracle I expect to happen soon.

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Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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We're explorers in search of the ever-evolving truth, not authorities proclaiming doctrine from on high. We refuse to be salespeople intent on getting you to be like us or buy our ideas. In fact, let's look at the downsides of the perspectives we celebrate.

The first thing you should consider before leaping into a relationship with pronoia is that it is utterly at odds with conventional wisdom. The 19th-century poet John Keats said that if something is not beautiful, it is probably not true. But the vast majority of modern storytellers -- journalists, filmmakers, novelists, talk-show hosts, and poets -- assert the opposite: If something is not ugly, it is probably not true.

In a world that equates pessimism with acumen and regards stories about things falling apart as having the highest entertainment value, pronoia is deviant. It is a taboo so taboo that it's not even recognized as a taboo . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

In September of 1715, a band of Jacobite rebels gathered for a guerrilla attack on Edinburgh Castle in Scotland. Their plan was to scale the walls with rope ladders, aided by a double agent who was disguised as a castle sentry. But the scheme failed before it began. The rope ladders turned out to be too short to serve their intended purpose. The rebels retreated in disarray. Please make sure you're not like them in the coming weeks, Cancerian. If you want to engage in a strenuous action, an innovative experiment, or a bold stroke, be meticulous in your preparations. Don't scrimp on your props, accouterments, and resources.

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Many of us are essentially asleep, even as we walk around in broad daylight. We're so focused on the restless narratives and repetitive fantasies unfurling in our heads that we only dimly perceive the larger story raging in all of its chaotic beauty around us.

To have any hope of permanently breaking out of our fuzzy trance, we require regular shocks. A single jolt might cause us to briefly come to attention and see the miracle of creation for what it is, but once the red alert has passed, we relax back into our fixation on the dreamy tales our mind never stops telling us.

In the course of its conspiracy to shower us with blessings, life does its best to provide us with a steady flow of healing shocks. But because it tends to err on the side of tenderness, its prods may be too gentle, allowing us to ignore them. Gradually, life will up the ante, trying to find the right mix of toughness and love, as it encourages us to WAKE UP!

But our addiction to the phantasmagoria is tenacious. The stream-of-conscious narratives and ever-bubbling fantasies, even when they're racked with torment and terror, are perversely entertaining. And so we may avoid responding to the kind shocks for so long that life finally has to resort to stronger medicine. Then we might get sick or lose our job or muck up our closest relationship.

It doesn't have to be that way. We could cultivate in ourselves a sixth sense for the wake-up calls life sends us. We might develop a knack for responding with agile grace to the early, gentler ones so that we wouldn't have to be visited by the more stringent measures . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

If you give children the option of choosing between food that's mushy and food that's crunchy, a majority will choose the crunchy stuff. It's more exciting to their mouths, a more lively texture for their teeth and tongues to play with. This has nothing to do with nutritional value, of course. Soggy oatmeal may foster a kid's well-being better than crispy potato chips. Let's apply this lesson to the way you feed your inner child in the coming weeks. Metaphorically speaking, I suggest you serve that precious part of you the kind of sustenance that's both crunchy and healthy. In other words, make sure that what's wholesome is also fun, and vice versa.

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Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Breathe sweetly and deeply. As you inhale, remember that the calcium in your bones and the iron in your blood were originally created at the core of a red giant star that died billions of years ago.

As you exhale, allow your perfect animal body to gentle explode with luminous gratitude. Feel streams of orgiastic compassion flowing out of your wild heart in spiral hallelujahs . . . .

Hear the rest of this meditation.

Your mascot is a famous white oak in Athens, Georgia. It's called the Tree That Owns Itself. According to legend, it belongs to no person or institution, but only to itself. The earth in which it's planted and the land around it are also its sole possession. With this icon as your inspiration, I invite you to enhance and celebrate your sovereignty during the next seven months. What actions will enable you to own yourself more thoroughly? How can you boost your autonomy and become, more than ever before, the boss of you? It's prime time to expedite this effort.

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To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Help Wanted: We are looking for a benevolent troublemaker of any gender to serve as a model for a statue of the Egyptian goddess of justice, Maat. You must be willing to sit on a lion, wear ostrich feathers, and hold a sword aloft for long hours.

Your thighs should be strong and you should be able to make your eyes be wild with the desire to stir up both balance and mercy everywhere you go. Ideally, you are in a phase of your personal life when you are sincerely angry about all forms of injustice, even those that don't directly affect you your own interests. Scrupulous curiosity is also a plus.

Hear this meditation.

Police in Los Angeles conducted an experiment on a ten-mile span of freeway. Drivers in three unmarked cars raced along as fast as they could while remaining in the same lane. The driver of the fourth car not only moved at top speed, but also changed lanes and jockeyed for position. Can you guess the results? The car that weaved in and out of the traffic flow arrived just slightly ahead of the other three. Apply this lesson to your activities in the coming week, please. There will be virtually no advantage to indulging in frenetic, erratic, breakneck exertion. Be steady and smooth and straightforward.

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Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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We are waking up.

As heaven and earth come together, as the dreamtime and daytime merge, we register the shockingly exhilarating fact that we are in charge -- you and I are in charge -- of creating a brand new world. Not in some distant time or faraway place, but right here and right now.

If you do not bring the genius within you, it will destroy you. But if you do bring forth the genius within you, it will free you.

As we stand on this brink, as we dance on this verge, we cannot let the ruling fools of the dying world sustain their curses. We have to rise up and fight their insane logic; defy, resist, and prevent their tragic magic; erupt with our sacred rage and supercharge it.

But overthrowing the living dead is not enough. Protesting the well-dressed monsters is not enough. We can't afford to be consumed with our anger; can't be obsessed and possessed by their danger.

Our mysterious bodies crave delight and fertility. Our ancient imaginations demand fresh tastes of infinity.

In the new world we're creating, we need lusty compassion and ecstatic duty, ingenious love and insurrectionary beauty. radical curiosity and reverent pranks, voracious listening and ferocious thanks . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

You will generate lucky anomalies and helpful flukes if you use shortcuts, flee from boredom, and work smarter rather than harder. On the other hand, you'll drum up wearisome weirdness and fruitless flukes if you meander all over the place, lose yourself in far-off fantasies, and act as if you have all the time in the world. Be brisk and concise, Scorpio. Avoid loafing and vacillating. Associate with bubbly activators who make you laugh and loosen your iron grip. It's a favorable time to polish off a lot of practical details with a light touch.

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Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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All I ask of you: Be my slow-motion dance. Be my birthday earthquake. Be my spiral marble staircase in the middle of a Vermont meadow. Be my handstand on a barstool, my whirlwind week in clown school, my joke shared with a Siberian shaman while shopping for T-shirts at Sears. Be my last because . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

"Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover what’s out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it." Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön said that, and now I'm telling you. According to my divinations, a new frontier is calling to you. An unprecedented question has awakened. The urge to leave your familiar circle is increasingly tempting. I don't know if you should you surrender to this brewing fascination. I don't know if you will be able to gather the resources you would require to carry out your quest. What do you think? Will you be able to summon the necessary audacity? Maybe the better inquiry is this: Do you vow to use all your soulful ingenuity to summon the necessary audacity?

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Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words," said Terence McKenna, "and that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish."

Here's my version of that hypothesis: What world you end up living in depends at least in part on your use of language.

Do you want to move and breathe amidst infertile chaos where nothing makes sense and no one really loves anyone? Then speak with unconscious carelessness, expressing yourself lazily. Constantly materialize and entertain angry thoughts in the privacy of your own imagination, beaming silent curses out into eternity.

Or would you prefer to live in a realm that's rich with fluid epiphanies and intriguing coincidences and mysterious harmonies? Then be discerning and inventive in how you speak, primed to name the unexpected codes that are always being born right in front of your eyes. Turn your imagination into an ebullient laboratory where the somethings you create out of nothings are tinctured with the secret light you see in your dreams of invisible fire . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

"Once I witnessed a windstorm so severe that two 100-year-old trees were uprooted on the spot," Mary Ruefle wrote in her book Madness, Rack, and Honey. "The next day, walking among the wreckage, I found the friable nests of birds, completely intact and unharmed on the ground." I think that's a paradox you'd be wise to keep in mind, Capricorn. In the coming weeks, what's most delicate and vulnerable about you will have more staying power than what's massive and fixed. Trust your grace and tenderness more than your fierceness and forcefulness. They will make you as smart as you need to be.

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Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I want to be free
in the mystery of love
I want to be wild
when the world begins again
I want to wake up and listen
Be in love with my life and death
and I want you to be there with me

I want all the children
to have enough to eat
I want all the angry men
to destroy their own pain
I want us all to be happy
and crazy and safe and real
I want everybody to be loved

Hear this meditation.

Aztec king Montezuma II quenched his daily thirst with one specific beverage. He rarely drank anything else. It was ground cocoa beans mixed with chili peppers, water, vanilla, and annatto. Spiced chocolate? You could call it that. The frothy brew was often served to him in golden goblets, each of which he used once and then hurled from his royal balcony into the lake below. He regarded this elixir as an aphrodisiac, and liked to quaff a few flagons before heading off to his harem. I bring this up, Aquarius, because the coming weeks will be one of those exceptional times when you have a poetic license to be almost Montezuma-like. What's your personal equivalent of his primal chocolate, golden goblets, and harem?

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No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When an old tree in the rain forest dies and topples over, it takes a long time to decompose. As it does, it becomes host to new saplings that use the decaying log for nourishment.

Picture yourself sitting in the forest gazing upon this scene. How would you describe it? Would you dwell on the putrefaction of the fallen tree while ignoring the fresh life sprouting out of it? If you did that, you’d be imitating the perspective of many modern storytellers, especially the journalists and novelists and filmmakers and producers of TV dramas. They devoutly believe that tales of affliction and mayhem and corruption and tragedy are inherently more interesting than tales of triumph and liberation and pleasure and ingenuity.

The German actor Udo Kier summed up the general consensus in an interview he did a few years ago. "Evil has no limit," he sneered, blustering like a naughty genius. "Evil has no limit. Good has a limit. Good is not as interesting as evil."

Two hundred years ago the poet John Keats said that if something is not beautiful, it is probably not true. But Udo Kier and his many compatriots disagree with Keats. With one voice, they imply that if something is not ugly, it is not true . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

"Unfortunately, I'm pretty lucky," my friend Rico said to me recently. He meant that his relentless good fortune constantly threatens to undermine his ambition. How can he be motivated to try harder and grow smarter and get stronger if life is always showering him with blessings? He almost wishes he could suffer more so that he would have more angst to push against. I hope you won't fall under the spell of that twisted logic in the coming weeks, Pisces. This is a phase of your cycle when you're likely to be the beneficiary of an extra-strong flow of help and serendipity. Please say this affirmation as often as necessary: "Fortunately, I'm pretty lucky."

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Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You taste delicious
Animals understand you
Your importance is unusual

The funny faces you make
are interesting to look at
You fight for power in all the right ways

Ecstatic gratitude is pouring out of you
I see the best in you
Your divine attitude

You have strong feet and a pioneer heart

No one can overflow as well as you can

You are famous with God
You are famous with me
You are famous with the snakes and birds
and roses and pines
and oceans and earth and sky

A lost tribe salutes you from the other side of the veil

You remind me of a star

Hear this meditation.