"I demand unconditional love and complete freedom," wrote Slovenian poet Tomaž Šalamun. "That is why I am terrible." In accordance with the astrological omens, I'm offering you the chance, at least temporarily, to join Šalamun in demanding unconditional love and complete freedom. But unlike him, you must satisfy one condition: Avoid being terrible. Can you do that? I think so, although you will have to summon unprecedented amounts of emotional intelligence and collaborative ingenuity.

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For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.

For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.

Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.

When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.

Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.

Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.

Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.

Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.

Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.

You have the answers you need, but you keep sniffing around as if there were different or better answers to be had. Moreover, you've been offered blessings that could enable you to catalyze greater intimacy, but you're barely taking advantage of them -- apparently because you underestimate their potency. Here's what I think: As long as you neglect the gifts you have already been granted, they won't provide you with their full value. If you give them your rapt appreciation, they will bloom.

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Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What are mirabilia? They're phenomena that inspire wonder, winsome curiosities, small marvels, eccentric enchantments. Here are a few:

* The National Center for Atmospheric Research reports that the average cloud is the same weight as 100 elephants.

* The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100 miles.

* With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many seahorse colonies perform a dance to the sun.

* A seven-year-old Minnesota boy received patent number 6,368,227 for a new method of swinging on a swing.

* Clown fish can alter their gender as their social status rises.

* In the Hindu epic the Mahabharata, the hero and heroine fall in love without ever gazing upon each other, simply by hearing tales about each other's good deeds.

* Twelve percent of the population believes that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.

* The closest modern relative of the Tyrannosaurus rex may be the chicken.

* Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone near them does.

* Singing Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia.

* The moon smells like exploded firecrackers.

* Black sheep have a better sense of smell than white sheep.

Edgar Rice Burroughs (1875-1950) tried to earn a living by selling pencil sharpeners, but couldn't make it. In frustration, he turned to writing novels. Success! Among his many popular novels, 27 of them were about a fictional character named Tarzan. The actor who played Tarzan in the movies based on Burroughs' books was Johnny Weissmuller. As a child, he suffered from polio, and rebuilt his strength by becoming a swimmer. He eventually won five Olympic gold medals. Burroughs and Weissmuller are your role models in the coming weeks, Gemini. It's a favorable time for you to turn defeat into victory.

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What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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More and more creative people find they do their best work when they're feeling healthy and secure. We know writers who no longer need to be drunk or in agony in order to shed the numbness of their daily routine and tap into the full powers of their imagination.

We have filmmaker friends whose best work flows not from the depths of alienated self-doubt but rather from the heights of well-earned bliss.

Singer-songwriter P.J. Harvey is the patron saint of this new breed. "When I'm contented, I'm more open to receiving a lot of inspiration," she has testified. "I'm most creative when I feel safe and happy" . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

Artist Andy Warhol had an obsession with green underpants. In fact, that's all he ever wore beneath his clothes. It might be fun and productive for you to be inspired by his private ritual. Life is virtually conspiring to ripen your libido, stimulate your fertility, and expedite your growth. So anything you do to encourage these cosmic tendencies could have an unusually dramatic impact. Donning green undies might be a good place to start. It would send a playful message to your subconscious mind that you are ready and eager to bloom.

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Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted.

Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.

In the coming weeks, take special notice of the jokes and humorous situations that prompt you to laugh the loudest. They will provide important clues about the parts of your life that need liberation. What outmoded or irrelevant taboos should you consider breaking? What inhibitions are dampening your well-being? How might your conscience be overstepping its bounds and making you unnecessarily constrained? Any time you roar with spontaneous amusement, you will know you have touched a congested place in your psyche that is due for a cleansing.

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To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Meditate naked under a waterfall.

Relive the last day of your childhood.

Sip the tears of someone you love.

Rebel against your horoscope.

Create a luxurious orphanage in Romania.

Pick blackberries in the rain.

Feel sorry for a devious lawyer.

See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer.

Give yourself another chance.

Dream of stealing the peaches of immortality from a dragon guarding Plato's cave.

Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse.

Sing the first song you ever heard.

For each of the last 33 years, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in Los Angeles has selected a "National Hero Dog." It's an award given to a canine that has shown exceptional courage in helping or rescuing people. In 2015, the group departed from tradition. Its "National Hero Dog" is a female cat named Tara. Last May, she saved a four-year-old boy by scaring off a dog that had begun to attack him. I'm guessing you will soon have an experience akin to Tara's. Maybe you'll make a gutsy move that earns you an unexpected honor. Maybe you'll carry out a dramatic act of compassion that's widely appreciated. Or maybe you'll go outside your comfort zone to pull off a noble feat that elevates your reputation.

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Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.

An alternative perspective comes from Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.

Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.

According to cartoon character Homer Simpson, "Trying is the first step towards failure." I don't agree with that comic advice. But I do think the following variant will be applicable to you in the coming weeks: "Trying too hard is the first step toward failure." So please don't try too hard, Libra! Over-exertion should be taboo. Straining and struggling would not only be unnecessary, but counterproductive. If you want to accomplish anything worthwhile, make sure that your default emotion is relaxed confidence. Have faith in the momentum generated by all the previous work you have done to arrive where you are now.

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Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Most people associate innocence with naiveté. Conventional wisdom regards it as belonging to children and fools and rookies who lack the sophistication or experience to know the tough truths about life.

But the Beauty and Truth Laboratory recognizes a different kind of innocence. It's based on an understanding that the world is always changing, and therefore deserves to be seen fresh every day. This alternative brand of innocence is fueled by an aggressive determination to empty one's imagination of all preconceptions.

"Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good," wrote Clarissa Pinkola-Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves. "Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good."

Elsie de Wolfe (1859-1950) was a pioneer in the art of interior design. She described herself as "a rebel in an ugly world." Early in her career she vowed, "I'm going to make everything around me beautiful," and she often did just that. In part through her influence, the dark, cluttered decor of the Victorian Era, with its bulky draperies and overly ornate furniture, gave way to rooms with brighter light, softer colors, and more inviting textures. I'd love to see you be inspired by her mission, Scorpio. It's a good time to add extra charm, grace, and comfort to your environments.

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Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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This is a perfect moment. It’s a perfect moment because I have been inspired to say a gigantic prayer. I have been roused to unleash a divinely greedy, apocalyptically healing prayer for each and every one of us -- even those of us who don’t believe in the power of prayer.

Oh GODDESS, you who give us so much love and pain mixed together that our morality is always on the verge of collapsing:

I beg you to cast a boisterous love spell that will nullify all the bad ideas and dumb decisions that have cursed all of us wise and sexy virtuosos.

Remove, banish, annihilate, and laugh into oblivion any jinx that clings to us, no matter how long we have suffered from it, and even if we are addicted to its ugly companionship.

Conjure an aura of protection around us so we get an early warning if we're ever at risk of bringing another curse into our lives in the future . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

At the age of 36, author Franz Kafka composed a 47-page letter to his father Herman. As he described the ways that his dad's toxic narcissism and emotional abuse had skewed his maturation process, he refrained from lashing out with histrionic anger. Instead he focused on objectively articulating the facts, recounting events from childhood and analyzing the family dynamic. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you write a letter to your own father -- even if it's filled with praise and gratitude instead of complaint. At this juncture in your life story, I think you especially need the insights that this exercise would generate. (P.S. Write the letter for your own sake, not with the hope of changing or hurting or pleasing your dad. You don't have to give it to him.)

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Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I love you I love me I love you and me together

I love us I love them I love us and them together

Rilke said: "For one human being to love another is the most difficult task. It's the work for which all other work is mere preparation."

Teillard de Chardin said: "Some day after we have mastered the winds, the waves and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for a second time in the history of the world, humans will have discovered fire."

Leo Tolstoy said: "Everything I understand, I understand only because I love."

Pascal said: "If you do not love too much, you do not love enough."

Emily Dickinson said: "Until you have loved, you cannot become yourself."

You and I say: Because we love Ruby-throated hummingbirds sip from plum flowers and the moon sings its silver fragrance to the swans and volcanoes and fields of wheat . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.

Shizo Kanakuri was one of Japan's top athletes when he went to compete in the marathon race at the 1912 Stockholm Olympics. Partway through the event, fatigued by sweltering heat, bad food, and the long journey he'd made to get there, Kanakuri passed out. He recovered with the help of a local farmer, but by then the contest was over. Embarrassed by his failure, he sneaked out of Sweden and returned home. Fast forward to 1966. Producers of a TV show tracked him down and invited him to resume what he'd started. He agreed. At the age of 74, he completed the marathon, finishing with a time of 54 years, eight months. I think it's time to claim your own personal version of this opportunity, Capricorn. Wouldn't you love to resolve a process that got interrupted?

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No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When many people talk about their childhoods, they emphasize the alienating, traumatic experiences they had. It has become fashionable to avoid reporting memories of the good times in one's past. This seems dishonest—a testament to the popularity of cynicism rather than a reflection of objective truth.

I don't mean to downplay the way your early encounters with pain demoralized your spirit. But as you reconnoiter the promise of pronoia, it's crucial for you to extol the gifts you were given in your early years: all the helpful encounters, kind teachings, and simple acts of grace that helped you bloom. Remember them now, please.

In most sporting events, there's never any doubt about which competitor is winning. Each step of the way, the participants and spectators know who has more points or goals or runs. But one sport isn't like that. In a boxing match, no one is aware of the score until the contest is finished -- not even the boxers themselves. I think you're in a metaphorically comparable situation. You won't find out the final tally or ultimate decision until the "game" is complete. Given this uncertainty, I suggest that you don't slack off even a little. Keep giving your best until the very end.

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Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.

One night as you lie sleeping in your bed, you will dream of flying through the sunny summer sky. The balmy air will be sweet to breathe. Now and then you will flap your arms like wings, but mostly you will glide effortlessly. The feeling that flows through your body will be a blend of exhilaration and ease. Anywhere you want to go, you will maneuver skillfully to get there. After a while, you will soar to a spot high above a scene that embodies a knotty problem in your waking life. As you hover and gaze down, you will get a clear intuition about how to untie the knots. Whether or not you remember this dream, the next day you will work some practical magic that begins to shrink or dissolve the problem.

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I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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You're a star -- and so am I. I'm a genius -- and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa.

Those are the rules in the New World -- quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play.

In the New World, you don't have to play down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence . . . .

Hear or read the rest of this meditation.