Select a date (required) and sign (optional) 


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of May 14th, 2015

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
The danger of resisting a temptation too strenuously is that the temptation might depart. I suggest that you prevent that from happening. Without throwing yourself at the mercy of the temptation, see if you can coax it to stick around for a while longer. Why? In my view, it's playing a useful role in your life. It's motivating you to change some things that really do need to be changed. On the other hand, I'm not yet sure that it should become anything more than a temptation. It might serve you best that way, not as an object of your satisfied desire.

*

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
To create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as 10 years for a big one.

Our questions for you: How many years have you been engaged in the process of transforming your irritant into a masterpiece? How many more years do you think you still have to go?

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
My astrological colleagues discourage me from talking to you Bulls about financial matters. "Most Tauruses know ten times more about the mystery of money than you will ever know," said one. "Their excellent instincts trump any tips you could offer." Another astrologer concurred, noting, "The financial advice you give Tauruses will at best be redundant and at worst simplistic." A third colleague summed it up: "Offering Tauruses guidance about money is like counseling Scorpios about sex." So although I'm shy about providing recommendations, I will say this: The next five weeks will be a favorable time to set in motion the plans to GET RICHER QUICKER!

*

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Ariel was going through a hard time. She'd been weaning herself from a painkiller she'd taken while recovering from surgery. Her cat ran away, and there was a misunderstanding at work. One night while at a nightclub with her friend Leila, she spied her ex-boyfriend kissing some woman. Meltdown ensued. Ariel fled the club and ran sobbing into the street, where she hurled her shoes on top of a passing bus.

Leila retrieved her and sat her down on a bench. "Because up until now you've displayed such exemplary grace in the face of chaos," Leila said, "I'm giving you a free Crazy Pass. It gives you a karma-free license to temporarily lose your mind." This compassionate humor helped Ariel feel more composed. The rest of the night she partied with elegant savagery, achieving major relief and release without hurting ­herself.

Now I'm awarding you, too, a free Crazy Pass. How will you use it?

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
"Endings to be useful must be inconclusive," wrote science fiction novelist Samuel R. Delany. I endorse that theory for your use in the coming weeks. Interweave it with this advice from playwright Sam Shepard: "The temptation towards resolution, towards wrapping up the package, seems to me a terrible trap. Why not be more honest with the moment? The most authentic endings are the ones which are already revolving towards another beginning." In other words, Gemini, don't be attached to neat finales and splashy climaxes. Consider the possibility that you can simply slip free of the complicated past and head toward the future without much fanfare.

*

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Think about your relationship to human beings who haven't been born yet. What might you create for them to use? How can you make your life a gift to the future? Can you not only help preserve the wonders we live amidst, but actually enhance them? Keep in mind this thought from Lewis Carroll: "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward."

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
In mythic terms, you should be headed for the winner's circle, which is inside the pleasure dome. The parade in your honor should follow the award ceremony, and let's hope you will be on the lead float wearing a gold crown and holding a real magic wand while being sung to by a choir of people you love and who love you. If for any reason you are not experiencing some version of these metaphors, I urge you to find out why. Or better yet, get busy on planning a homecoming or graduation party or award ceremony for yourself. From an astrological perspective, you have a mandate to be recognized and appreciated for the gifts you offer the world.

*

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
For years, I lived 13 miles from the top of Mt. Tamalpais, one of the highest peaks in the San Francisco Bay Area. Every day I gazed at it from afar through my window or while riding my bike in the hills, marveling as it glided through its ever-shifting relationship with the sky and seasons. It was a remote yet familiar beacon, an awe-inspiring touchstone against which I could measure my own undulating rhythms.

Eventually I moved to a new home at the foot of Mt. Tam. I felt as if I'd become part of it -- was embedded in its protective and majestic aura. It was no longer an objective gauge, but rather an intimate tone and texture in my subjective experience of myself.

Risk a comparable shift, from being there to being here; from outside to inside; from strength absorbed at a distance to power felt up close.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
British Field Marshal Arthur Wellesley was a brilliant military commander. Renowned for his ability to beat larger armies, he also had great skill at minimizing loss of life among his own troops. His most famous triumph took place in 1815, when he led the forces that defeated Napoleon Bonaparte at Waterloo. In the aftermath, the French tyrant lost his power and went into exile. What was the secret of Wellesley's success? "Bonaparte's plans were made in wire," he said. "Mine were made in string." In other words, Wellesley's strategy was more flexible and adaptable. As circumstances changed, it could be rearranged with greater ease. That's the approach I recommend for you in the coming days.

*

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
You may not be strong enough to take a shot at a daunting challenge that's five levels beyond your previous best. But I think you are at least ready to try a tricky challenge that's one level higher than where you have been operating. And that, in my opinion, is a more practical use of your courage. I think it would be a waste of your energy to get wrapped up in grandiose fantasies about impossible perfections. As long as you don't overreach, you can accomplish small miracles.

*

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Devote yourself to your heart's desire with unflagging shrewdness. Make it your top priority. Let no lesser wishes distract you. But consider this, too. You may sabotage even your worthiest yearning if you're maniacal in your pursuit of it.

Bear in mind the attitude described by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves: "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still, it will find you. It has been waiting for you a long time."

Speculate on what exactly that would look like in your own life. Describe how your heart's desire has been waiting for you, seeking you.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
I suspect you are about to experience some prime contenders for The Most Unusual Adventures of 2015. Are you thoroughly prepared? Of course not. There's no way you can be totally ready to adapt to unpredictable wrinkles and change your mind at a moment's notice. But that's exactly what will make these experiments so fun. That's why they will be effective in building up your resilience and willpower. For best results, apply your nighttime thinking to daytime activities, and vice versa. Spend minimal time on responsibilities that don't teach you noble truths about your fellow madmen and madwomen. Now here's my big question: How can you tap into the extra power you will need during your rite of passage?

*

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
For over two decades, Peter Jouvenal worked as a journalist and cameraman who filmed war-torn hot spots, including Iraq in the Gulf War and Afghanistan during the Soviet invasion. He eventually retired from that gig and bought a restaurant in Kabul. He has few regrets, but one came after the fall of the Taliban in 2001.

While exploring the organization's deserted safe houses, he happened upon a place where Osama bin Laden and his wife had recently lived. Among the items the couple left behind was one of her bras. In retrospect Jouvenal realized he should have pocketed the exotic piece of lingerie; a tabloid newspaper would have paid him a fortune for it. But because he had spent his entire career dealing with more mainstream news media that sought more respectable evidence, the idea didn't even occur to him until much later.

Was there ever a time when you were in such a deep trance, enthralled by your habits and belief system, that you failed to notice a valuable anomaly that popped up? How can you train yourself to be so alert that such a blunder won't happen again?

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
Many modern astronomers are allergic to astrology, but from my perspective there is no inherent conflict between the two fields. Four of history's greatest astronomers were practicing astrologers, after all: Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Tycho Brahe, and Pierre Gassendi. One of my friends in college, a Scorpio woman named Martha Maiden, is a first-rate astrologer who got a degree in astronomy and became a top scientist at NASA. In the spirit of finding reconciliation between apparent opposites, I'm happy to say that you are now a virtual virtuoso in your ability to reconcile both apparent opposites and actual opposites. I invite you to use this aptitude with flair and daring.

*

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
Sagittarian Matt Stutzman competes in the sport of archery. He's the world's record holder for longest accurate shot, having hit a target 230 yards away. What makes his accomplishment so extraordinary is the fact that he was born without any arms. He holds each arrow in his mouth and grasps the bow with his right foot and the help of a chest harness. In the spirit of this armless archer, and in accordance with your current astrological omens, I invite you to initiate an attempt to triumph over one of your so-called disadvantages.

*

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
According to Jewish legend, there are in each generation 36 righteous humans who prevent the rest of us from being destroyed. Through their extraordinary good deeds and their love of the divine spark, they save the world over and over again. They're not famous saints, though. They go about their business anonymously, and no one knows how crucial they are to our well-being.

Might you be one of the 36? As a temporary experiment, act as if you are.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
Long before Lou Reed recorded the song "Walk on the Wild Side," Nelson Algren wrote a novel titled A Walk on the Wild Side. It depicts the luxuriant depravity of New Orleans' French Quarter in the 1930s. One of Algren's most enduring bits of spiritual advice goes as follows: "Never, ever, no matter what else you do in your whole life, never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own." What do you think of that, Capricorn? Even if you don't regard it as a universal rule that you should unfailingly obey, I suggest you observe it in the coming weeks. For the sake of your mental hygiene, be extra discerning about what influences you absorb -- not just in bed, but everywhere.

*

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
On the downside, your addiction diverts your energy from a deeper desire that it superficially resembles. For instance, if you're an alcoholic, your urge to get loaded may be an inferior substitute for and a poor imitation of your buried longing to commune with spirit.

On the upside, your addiction is your ally, because it dares you to get strong and smart enough to wrestle free of its grip; it pushes you to summon the uncanny willpower necessary to defeat the darkness within you that saps your ability to follow the path with heart.

(P.S. Don't tell me you have no addictions. Each of us is addicted to some sensation, feeling, thought, or action, if not to an actual substance.)

Extol your sublime, painful addiction -- celebrate it to death. Ride it, spank it, kiss it, whip it.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
The cosmos has authorized you to be hungrier than usual. You may also feel free to respond to your enhanced hunger with an extra aggressive quest to be fed. Therefore: Be voracious! Risk being avid, ardent, and even agog. Fill yourself up with pudding, pleasure, praise, peace, perks, and privileges. Anything else you'd like to engorge? If some unenlightened person questions your right to claim the biggest piece and the sweetest taste and the best fuel, inform them that your astrologer says you have ultimate permission.

*

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
Attention please. This is your ancestors speaking. We've been trying to reach you through your dreams and fantasies, but you haven't responded. That's why we've commandeered this space. So listen up. We'll make it brief. You're at a crossroads analogous to a dilemma that has baffled your biological line for six generations. We ask you now to master the turning point that none of us have ever figured out how to negotiate. Heal yourself and you heal all of us. We mean that literally. Start brainstorming, please.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
Is there an interesting ally whose path rarely crosses yours? Do you draw inspiration from a like-minded dynamo who is not fully available? Has fate kept you and a friend from getting as close as you would wish? According to my reading of the astrological omens, relationships like these could become more substantial in the coming weeks. The dream of a more robust connection could ripen into an opportunity to actually collaborate. So be alert for the openings, and be prepared to do what's necessary to go deeper.

*

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
*
See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer
Pick blackberries naked in the pouring rain
Scare yourself with how beautiful you are
Stage a slow-motion water balloon fight
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos
Sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
Plunge butcher knives into accordions
Commit a crime that breaks no laws
Sip the tears of someone you love


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



GET HOROSCOPES IN YOUR INBOX!

By signing up you are agreeing to our terms of use and privacy policy

unsubscribe or manage subscription