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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of March 19th, 2015

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
You're entering a time and space known as the Adlib Zone. In this territory, fertile chaos and inspirational uncertainty are freely available. Improvised formulas will generate stronger mojo than timeworn maxims. Creativity is de rigueur, and street smarts count for more than book-learning. May I offer some mottoes to live by when "common sense" is inadequate? 1. Don't be a slave to necessity. 2. Be as slippery as you can be and still maintain your integrity. 3. Don't just question authority; be thrilled about every chance you get to also question habit, tradition, fashion, trendiness, apathy, and dogma.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I was never the class clown. I am not a troubled but devilishly handsome wastrel living on a trust fund. I've never beaten up anyone, have steadfastly not aspired to write like Raymond Carver, and have never played strip Scrabble with a junkie violinist on a leaky waterbed in a Key West penthouse. There are so many things I am not and will never be, and I'm glad I know about them. It helps me stay focused on exactly who I am. What about you? Who aren't you? Fantasize about all the paths you will never take. Put it in writing.

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
By 1993, rock band Guns N' Roses had released five successful albums. But on the way to record their next masterpiece, there were numerous delays and diversions. Band members feuded. Some were fired and others departed. Eventually, only one original member remained to bring the task to conclusion with the help of new musicians. The sixth album, Chinese Democracy, finally emerged in 2008. I'm seeing a similarity between Guns N' Roses' process and one of your ongoing projects, Taurus. The good news is that I think most of the hassles and delays are behind you, or will be if you act now. You're primed to make a big push toward the finish line.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Do you have an unconscious belief that the forces of evil are loud, vigorous, and strong, while good is quiet, gentle, and passive? Gather evidence that contradicts this irrational prejudice.

Are you secretly suspicious of joy because you think it's inevitably rooted in wishful thinking and a willful ignorance about the true nature of reality? Expose these suspicions as superstitions that aren't grounded in any objective data you can actually prove.

Do you fear that when you're in the presence of love and beauty you tend to become softheaded, whereas you're likely to feel smart and powerful when you're sneering at the ugliness around you? As an antidote, for a given amount of time, say a week or a month or a year, act as if the following hypothesis were true: that you're more likely to grow smarter when you're in the presence of love and beauty.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
The anonymous blogger at Neurolove.me gives advice on how to love a Gemini: "Don't get impatient with their distractibility. Always make time for great conversation. Be understanding when they're moody. Help them move past their insecurities, and tell them it's not their job to please everyone. Let them have space but never let them be lonely." I endorse all that good counsel, and add this: "To love Geminis, listen to them attentively, and with expansive flexibility. Don't try to force them to be consistent; encourage them to experiment at uniting their sometimes conflicting urges. As best as you can, express appreciation not just for the parts of them that are easy to love but also for the parts that are not yet ripe or charming." Now feel free, Gemini, to show this horoscope to those whose affection you want.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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My friend Riley was the first member of her family to attend college. None of her hardscrabble Irish forebears had ever pursued higher education. In her senior year, Riley began having nightmares of her relatives trying to stop her from finishing school. In one recurring dream, her great-grandfather burned all her textbooks. In another, a mob of aunts and uncles tackled her and held her down as she tried to get to class.

Despite these psychic obstacles, Riley persevered in her studies and eventually got her diploma. The week after graduation, she had another dream: A host of her ancestors came to her in the form of a great choir singing songs in praise of her success.

Riley's psychotherapist speculated that the dream meant she had not only overcome the inertia of her heritage, but had also healed an ancient wound of her family going back many generations. Is there a similar accomplishment you're capable of? What is it?

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
You have recently been to the mountaintop, at least metaphorically. Right? You wandered out to the high frontier and ruminated on the state of your fate from the most expansive vista you could find. Right? You have questioned the limitations you had previously accepted, and you have weaned yourself from at least one of your devitalizing comforts, and you have explored certain possibilities that had been taboo. Right? So what comes next? Here's what I suggest: Start building a new framework or structure or system that will incorporate all that you've learned during your break.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Is the universe inherently friendly to humans? The answer's got to be either "yes, definitely" or "no, not really." It can't be in between. Whatever you may be inclined to believe, you've got to agree that there's no way to know which is true with absolute certainty.

So then isn't it stupid and self-destructive to live your life as if the universe is unfriendly? Doing so tends to cast a pall over everything. But if on the other hand you proceed on the hypothesis that the universe is friendly, you're inclined to interpret everything that occurs as a gift, however challenging it may be to figure out its purpose at first.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
According to the international code of food standards, there are 13 possible sizes for an olive. They include large, extra large, jumbo, extra jumbo, giant, colossal, super colossal, mammoth, and super mammoth. If I had my way, Leo, you would apply this mind-set to everything you do in the coming weeks. It's time for you to think very big. You will thrive as you expand your mind, stretch your boundaries, increase your territory, amplify your self-expression, magnify your focus, and broaden your innocence.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"The seed cannot sprout upwards without simultaneously sending roots into the ground," says an Egyptian proverb. Keep that thought in mind as you head into your next phase of growth. What part of you needs to deepen as you rise up? What growth needs to unfold in the hidden places as you gravitate toward the light? How can you go about balancing and stabilizing your ascension with a downward penetration?

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
"Half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough," proclaimed humorist Josh Billings. That's an exaggeration made for comic effect, of course. (And I think that some of life's troubles also come from saying no too much and not saying yes enough.) But for you, Virgo, Billings' advice will be especially pertinent in the coming weeks. In fact, my hypothesis is that you will be able to keep your troubles to a minimum and boost your progress to a maximum by being frugal with yes and ample with no.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Some Christians believe Jesus will come back to fix this corrupt world. Certain Jewish sects propose that the messiah will soon appear on Earth for the first time. Among Muslims, many predict the legendary Twelfth Imam will return and bring salvation to humanity.

In India, devotees of Vishnu expect the avatar Kalki to arrive on the scene and carry out a series of miraculous redemptions. Even Buddhists prophesy Maitreya, the chosen one who will establish universal peace.

My divinations foretell a very different scenario. I suspect that the whole point of our spectacularly confounding moment in history is that each of us must become our own savior. And if we hope to accomplish that, relying on our best amateur efforts, we will have to stop waiting around for a supposed professional to do our work for us. We should also shed our addiction to believing in the possibility of any kind of magical intervention.

Franz Kafka had a view that's not necessarily mutually exclusive with mine: "The messiah will come when we don't need him anymore."

Let's also consider the evidence offered by William Blake, as quoted in Poets and God by David L. Edwards: "Jesus Christ is the only God. And so am I. And so are you."

One more clue, this time from Deepak Chopra: "Every person is a God in embryo. Its only desire is to be born."

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
Your mind says, "I need more room to move. I've got to feel free to experiment." Your heart says, "I think maybe I need more commitment and certainty." Your astrologer suggests, "Be a bit more skeptical about the dream lover who seems to be interfering with your efforts to bond with the Real Thing." I'm not sure which of these three sources you should heed, Libra. Do you think it might somehow be possible to honor them all? I invite you to try.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Is it bad to live without a hell?" poet Pablo Neruda asks in The Book of Questions. Let's add these queries to his: Is it dangerous to live without the awakening force that an enemy provides? Is it naive to think you can achieve great success without the driving motivation that comes from thinking about ideas you hate?

Consider the issue from another angle. Dentists love tooth decay. Treating cavities provides them with a steady income. Likewise, exterminators are dependent on termites, lawyers need crime, and priests crave sinners. Lots of people have symbiotic connections with nasty stuff. In fact, isn't it true that most of us nurture our feelings for the things we love to despise and fear?

What's your favorite poison or adversary? Assume that your exposure to pronoia is changing you in ways that will require you to update your relationship with it. Speculate on how you'll go about this task.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
"Without your wound where would your power be?" asked writer Thornton Wilder. "The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living." Let's make that one of your ongoing meditations, Scorpio. I think the coming weeks will be an excellent time to come to a greater appreciation for your past losses. What capacities has your suffering given birth to? What failures have made you stronger? What crucial lessons and unexpected benefits have emerged from your sadness and madness?

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Do you have a negative opinion of clouds? Are you inclined to regard them as symbols of gloom and malaise, interruptions in what you wish would always be clear blue sky?

If so, I'll ask you to revise your view. Consider the fact that in Chinese mythology, there are xiangyun, or "lucky clouds" that are harbingers of great blessings. Deities may even ride on them for pleasure. Among the Zuni Indians, the monster known as the Cloud Eater was feared because he devoured clouds that might bring replenishing rain. And modern meteorologists know that white, fluffy cumulus clouds are signs that fair weather is on the way.

Armed with these ideas, go out in search of your own personal lucky clouds.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
"Creating is not magic but work," says Kevin Ashton, author of the book How to Fly a Horse: The Secret History of Creation, Invention, and Discovery. In other words, inspiration is a relatively small part of the creative process. Over the long haul, the more important factors are self-discipline, organized thinking, hard work, and attention to detail. And yet inspiration isn't irrelevant, either. Brainstorms and periodic leaps of insight can be highly useful. That's a good reminder as you enter a phase when you're likely to be more imaginative and original than usual. I expect creative excitement to be a regular visitor.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I give thanks for the dented rusty brown and gray 1967 Chevy 10 pick-up truck that my neighbor parks askew on the shoulder of the road near my house. Its messy beauty snaps me back to sanity when my own perfectionism threatens to de-soul me, or when all the shiny, sleek, polished things of the world are on the verge of hypnotizing me into believing that only they should be considered attractive.

Are there equivalent triggers in your life?

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
The fictional detective Sherlock Holmes was a good Capricorn, born January 6, 1854. In the course of Arthur Conan Doyle's 60 stories about his life, he revealed his exceptional talent as an analytical thinker. His attention to details was essential to his success, and so was his expertise at gathering information. He did have a problem with addictive drugs, however. Morphine tempted him now and then, and cocaine more often, usually when he wasn't feeling sufficiently challenged. Let this serve as a gentle warning, Capricorn. In the coming weeks, seek more relaxation and downtime than usual. Focus on recharging your psychic batteries. But please be sure that doesn't cause you to get bored and then dabble with self-sabotaging stimuli.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Some people feel polluted when they look at porn; others when they eat Pringles and Twinkies. Personally, I experience a sense of violation after being exposed to celebrity gossip. And yet, if I've learned anything about how to maintain a healthy relationship with purity, it's that a fanatical adherence to it is as dangerous as a compulsive rejection of it. This will be especially true for you as you practice the art of pronoia. I urge you, therefore, to rebel cagily now and then against your urge to be a perfectly nice perpetrator of goodness and beauty and truth and justice.

Here's one method that might work: Use sacred sarcasm to motivate your allies to cooperate more with life's benevolent conspiracy. For instance, you might say the following to a certain female friend, hoping it will prod her to swear off self-punishing behavior forever: "You sure honored your ancestors and left an inspiring legacy for your descendants during the month you spent courting that alcoholic womanizer."

Or say something like this to a person who has not been asking for enough in return for her gifts: "No doubt you impressed the gods and earned a heap of karmic credit for all the free work you gave away to that megalomaniac who ripped you off so brilliantly."

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
English is my first language. Years ago there was a time when I spoke a lot of French with my Parisian girlfriend, but my skill faded after we broke up. So I'm not bilingual in the usual sense. But I do have some mastery in the language of music, thanks to my career as a singer-songwriter. Having raised a daughter, I also learned to converse in the language of children. And I've remembered and worked with my nightly dreams every day for decades, so I speak the language of dreams. What about you, Aquarius? In the coming weeks, I bet you'll be challenged to make more extensive use of one of your second languages. It's time to be adaptable and resourceful in your approach to communication.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Keep exploring what it takes to be the opposite of who you are," suggests psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. This advice is one of his ideas about how to get into attunement with the Tao, also known as being in the zone.

How would you go about being the opposite of who you are? Try it and see if it drives you into a state of euphoria.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
Do you need a reason to think sharper and work smarter and try harder? I'll give you four reasons. 1. Because you're finally ready to get healing for the inner saboteur who in the past has undermined your confidence. 2. Because you're finally ready to see the objective truth about one of your self-doubts, which is that it's a delusion. 3. Because you're finally ready to stop blaming an adversary for a certain obstacle you face, which means the obstacle will become easier to overcome. 4. Because you're finally ready to understand that in order to nurture and hone your ample creativity, you have to use it to improve your life on a regular basis.

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There's just one week remaining to hear my Big-Picture, In-Depth Reports on Your Long-Range Destiny. What new influences will be headed your way in the coming months? What fresh resources will you be able to draw on? How can you conspire with life to create the best possible future for yourself?

Each report in the three-part series of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES is 7 to 9 minutes long. Register and/or log in through the main page, and then click on the link "Long Range Prediction, Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3."

A new short-term audio forecast for this week is also available. Get help as you fine-tune your life to be in closer and closer alignment with your soul's code! Register or sign in to access the 'scopes here.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When playing the card game known as bridge, you're fortunate if you're dealt no cards of any particular suit. It allows you to use the trump suit to win tricks.

Identify a situation in your own life where a lack of a certain resource can work to your advantage, allowing you to be a free agent, an X-factor, a wild card; freeing you to capitalize on loopholes that aren't normally available; giving you access to luck that comes to you through what you're missing.


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



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