"Sex is like pizza," said comedian Mel Brooks. "Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." That's a generalization, of course. I'm sure you can think of times in your past when mediocre pizza and mediocre sex were just plain mediocre. But work with me on the overarching principle, Scorpio: Some of the finer things in life just can't be spoiled. They are always at least moderately pleasurable and interesting and lucky -- and usually more than just moderately so. According to my reading of the astrological omens, your immediate future will be filled to the brim with these finer things.

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Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In her role as DJ Debi Newberry in the film Grosse Pointe Blank, Minnie Driver defines the term shakabuku as a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. That's the kind of jolt you're more likely to get if you've been avoiding the entreaties of your shadow.

But if you send your shadow flowers on special occasions, or periodically give it license to blubber its horrible secrets while sobbing on your lap, it might be more inclined to deliver a whoopibuku, which is a soft spiritual stomp on the toes that inspires you to make a course correction.