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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of October 16th, 2014

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
New York City's Diamond District is home to over 2,000 businesses that buy and sell jewelry. Throughout the years, many people have lost bits of treasure here. Valuable bits of gold and gems have fallen off broken necklaces, earrings, watches, and other accessories. Now an enterprising man named Raffi Stepanian is cashing in. Using tweezers and a butter knife, he mines for the rich pickings that are packed in the mud of sidewalk cracks and gutters. "The percentage of gold out here on the street is greater than the amount of gold you would find in a mine," he says. I'd love to see you get inspired by his efforts, Aries. Dig for treasure in unlikely places where no one else would deign to look.

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Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Pathologist Paul Wolf has suggested that some of history's great artists may have never created their masterpieces if the wonders of modern medicine had been available to them. For example, what if doctors had cured van Gogh's mental illness with a regimen of drugs like Prozac and Xanax?

Maybe he would have been spared the torment that goaded him to the outbursts of genius that erupted on his canvases.

Are there ways in which the very things that have driven you crazy might play a role in your finest accomplishments?

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
In 1987, a college freshman named Mike Hayes was having trouble paying for his education at the University of Illinois. He appealed for help to the famous newspaper columnist Bob Greene, who asked each of his many readers to send Hayes a penny. The response was tidal. Although most of the ensuing donations were small, they added up to over $28,000 -- enough for Hayes to finance his degree. I encourage you to take a comparable approach in the coming weeks, Taurus: Ask for a little from a lot of different sources.

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When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
The word "abracadabra" is a spell that stage magicians utter at the climax of their tricks: the catalyst that supposedly makes a rabbit materialize from a hat or an assistant disappear in a puff of smoke. There's no real sorcery. It's an illusion perpetrated by the magician's hocus-pocus. But "abracadabra" has a less well-known history as an incantation used by real magicians to generate authentic wizardry. It can be traced back to Gnostic magi of the second century. They and their successors believed that merely speaking the word aloud evokes a potency not otherwise available. I invite you to experiment with this possibility, Gemini. Say "abracadabra" to boost your confidence and enhance your derring-do. You already have more power than usual to change things that have been resistant to change, and intoning some playfully ferocious "abracadabras" may put your efforts over the top.

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Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Rural communities in southern Louisiana celebrate Mardi Gras with even more anarchistic exuberance than the festivities that take place in New Orleans. Roving gangs of masked revelers stop cars and good-naturedly demand money and gifts from drivers. Clowns with feathered headdresses knock on people's doors after midnight begging for ingredients to make gumbo. Mardi Gras out in the sticks "is a lot like tickling," says professor of folklore, Barry Ancelet. "When you get tickled it makes you laugh, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable."

Is there anything that incites both your laughter and your discomfort? Perhaps a thorny opportunity you have the privilege of suffering from? A prickly advantage that makes your blood boil and sing simultaneously? An awkward gratification that fuels your ambition to become the person you were born to be?

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
The 17th-century writer Rene Descartes is regarded as the father of modern philosophy and the founder of rationalism. His famous catchphrase is a centerpiece of the Western intellectual tradition: "I think, therefore I am." Here's what I find amusing and alarming about the man: He read almost nothing besides the Bible and the work of Catholic theologian Thomas Aquinas. He said that classic literature was a waste of time. Is that who we want at the heart of our approach to understanding reality? I say no. In accordance with the astrological omens, I authorize you to instead adopt one or both of the following formulas: "I feel, therefore I am" or "I dream, therefore I am."

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How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
You can't give what you don't have. Here's a corollary: You can sort of half-give what you half-have, but that may lead to messy complications and turn out to be worse than giving nothing at all. So here's what I recommend: Devote yourself to acquiring a full supply of what you want to give. Be motivated by the frustration you feel at not being able to give it yet. Call on your stymied generosity to be the driving force that inspires you to get the missing magic. When you've finally got it, give it.

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Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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I'm smarter in some places than in others. In Florence, Amsterdam, and Milwaukee, my IQ is off the charts. In Munich, Madrid, and Washington, D.C., I'm rather dull-witted. Even in Northern California, where I usually live, some spots are more conducive to my higher brain functioning. I'm an idiot on Market Street in San Francisco, whereas I'm awash in wise insights whenever I set foot on Mt. Tamalpais.

What's this about? The specialized branch of astrology called astrocartography would say that the full potentials of my horoscope are more likely to emerge in certain power spots. What about you? Wander around and test to see where you feel most in tune with your deep brilliance.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
I suspect that one of your allies or loved ones will get caught in his or her own trap. The way you respond will be crucial for how the rest of the story plays out. On the one hand, you shouldn't climb into the trap with them and get tangled up in the snarl. On the other hand, it won't serve your long-term interests to be cold and unhelpful. So what's the best strategy? First, empathize with their pain, but don't make it your own. Second, tell the blunt truth in the kindest tone possible. Third, offer a circumscribed type of support that won't compromise your freedom or integrity.

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"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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The force of gravity is omnipresent, even though it can't be seen, heard, or touched, and almost no one can explain it. There ­wasn't even a word for it until the 17th century, when Isaac Newton discovered it and named it after the Latin term gravitas, meaning "heaviness" or "seriousness."

As you deepen your inquiries into pronoia, you may enjoy a similar breakthrough. Can you imagine what it would feel like to become aware of an omnipresent ocean of wild divine love that has always been a secret to you in the same way that the sea is invisible to a fish?

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
In 1936, Libran author F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about the "crack-up" he had experienced years earlier. It included this tough realization: "I had been only a mediocre caretaker of most of the things left in my hands, even my talent." Let's use this as a seed for your oracle. Have you been a good caretaker of your talent? Have you been a good caretaker for other things you are responsible for? Look within yourself and take inventory. If there's anything lacking, now is an excellent time to raise your game. If you're doing pretty well, reward yourself.

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I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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What's true about the word "God" may apply as well to "soul": Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It's a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say "soul" and you're liable to numb your listeners' attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That's a shame, because the eminence that's lazily referred to as "soul" is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart.

"If you need to visualize the soul," wrote Tom Robbins, "think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved."

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab's ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we're pleased to present some alternate designations for "soul." See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus.

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms.

P.S. Here's Robbins' conclusion: "By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe."

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
On a late summer day in 1666, scientist Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree in his mother's garden in Lincolnshire, England. An apple fell off a branch and plummeted to the ground. A half-century later, he told his biographer that this incident inspired him to formulate the theory of gravity. Fast forward to the year 2010. Astronaut Piers Sellers got on the space shuttle Atlantis carrying a piece of Newton's apple tree. He took it with him as he escaped Earth's gravity on his trip to the International Space Station. By my reading of the astrological omens, now would be an excellent time for you to undertake a comparable gesture or ritual, Scorpio. With a flourish, update your relationship with an important point of origin.

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All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Röentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays.

What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out patents in connection with their innovations, believing they shouldn't make any profit on something that should belong to everyone.

Try giving away some of your brilliance for free.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
Most birds don't sing unless they are up high: either flying or perched somewhere off the ground. One species that isn't subject to this limitation is the turnstone, a brightly mottled shorebird. As it strolls around beaches in search of food, it croons a tune that the Cornell Lab of Ornithology calls "a short, rattling chuckle." In the coming weeks, this creature deserves to be your mascot -- or your power animal, as they say in New Age circles. Why? I doubt that you will be soaring. You won't be gazing down at the human comedy from a detached location high above the fray. But I expect you will be well-grounded and good-humored -- holding your own with poise amidst the rough-and-tumble. As you ramble, sing freely!

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What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"Don't eat any food that's incapable of rotting," says Michael Pollan in his book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto. In other words, highly processed foods with a long shelf life don't contribute to your optimum vitality.

I'd like to expand this rule to make it an all-purpose guideline for life. Try out this hypothesis: If you're involved with any person or situation that never decays, or if there is some part of you that never decays, that's highly suspicious and may be a problem. Like growth, rot is a natural phenomenon. Indeed, every advancement requires or brings the disintegration of whatever it replaces. You can't grow if you don't rot. The "perfection" of stasis can be hazardous to your health.

What's ripe to rot in your world?

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
Let's discuss that thing you are eyeing and coveting and fantasizing about. My operative theory is that you can enjoy it without actually having it for your own. In fact, I think it will be best if you do enjoy it without possessing it. There's an odd magic at play here. If this desired thing becomes a fixed part of your life, it may interfere with you attracting two future experiences that I regard as more essential to your development. My advice is to avoid getting attached to the pretty good X-factor so as to encourage the arrival and full bloom of two stellar X-factors.

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Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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No matter how holy and good, everyone in the world has a portion of the world's sickness inside them. It's known by many names: neurosis, shadow, demon, devil. Many people try to deny that it inhabits them. Others acknowledge its power so readily that they allow themselves to be overwhelmed and distorted by it.

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we take a position between those two positions. We accept the fact that the evil is part of us, but treat it with compassionate amusement and flexible vigilance. Our stance is partly that of loving parents and partly that of warriors.

Once you make a commitment to explore the mysteries of pronoia, your shadow will try to play tricks on you that it has never tried before. How will you respond? We recommend an aggressive, tender, improvisational approach. Be ready for anything. Avoid both blithe excesses of tolerance and grave fundamentalism.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
"Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way," said philosopher Alan Watts. You have either recently made a personal discovery proving that this is true, or else you will soon do so. The brain-scrambling, heart-whirling events of recent weeks have blessed you with a host of shiny new questions. They are vibrant replacements for the tired old questions that have kept at least one of your oldest dilemmas locked in place.

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Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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In the Greek epic The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men -- only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

What's an analogous story from your own life? You know, an experience in which you were kind of turned into a pig for a while, and became a more robust version of yourself when the spell was broken.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
"There is for everyone some one scene, some one adventure, some one picture that is the image of his secret life," said Irish poet William Butler Yeats. I invite you to identify that numinous presence, Pisces. And then I urge you to celebrate and cultivate it. Give special attention to it and pay tribute to it and shower love on it. Why? Because now is an excellent time to recognize how important your secret life is to you -- and to make it come more fully alive than it has ever been.

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You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"We are attracted to people who express the qualities we deny or repress in ourselves," says creativity expert Shakti Gawain. Using this idea as your hypothesis, take an inventory of the people you're most drawn to. Ask yourself whether they have talents and dreams that you wish could come alive in you. If you find this to be the case, consider the possibility that it's time to claim those talents or dreams as your own.


Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.



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