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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny
♈ ARIES
(March 21-April 19)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river. Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times. Imagine you have a guardian angel who looks like Oprah Winfrey.
♉ TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
♊ GEMINI
(May 21-June 20)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on Earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Say these words and see how they feel: "Ever since I learned to see three sides to every story, I'm finding much better stories."
♋ CANCERIAN
(June 21-July 22)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues. Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
♌ LEO
(July 23-August 22)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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"God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose," wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Take which you please; you can never have both." Give an example from your own life that refutes or proves Emerson's assertion.
♍ VIRGO
(August 23-September 22)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.
♎ LIBRA
(September 23-October 22)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.
♏ SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Teach an animal to dance. Hire a puppet troupe to reenact your life story using marionettes in Renaissance costumes. Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.
♐ SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love. Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible. Watch TV with your third eye.
♑ CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.
♒ AQUARIUS
(January 20- February 18)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
♓ PISCES
(February 19-March 20)
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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT. The oracle below is excerpted from my book PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
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When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage. Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.
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