Irish poet Richard Brinsley Sheridan didn't confine his lyrical wit to well-crafted poems on the printed page. He used it to say things that would advance his practical ambitions. For example, when he first met the woman who would eventually become his wife, he said to her, "Why don't you come into my garden? I would like my roses to see you." That's the kind of persuasive power I hope you will summon in the coming days, Aries. According to my analysis of the omens, you should have it in abundance. So what's the best use of this mojo? Is there anything you would really like to sell? What new resources do you want to bring into your sphere? Who do you want to convince?

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Nineteenth-century English poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti wrote a series of sensual sonnets inspired by his relationship with his wife Elizabeth. Before he could publish them, Elizabeth died. He was so distraught he placed the only copy of his manuscript in the grave with her. Years later, though, he decided the love poems were too good to consign forever to the oblivion of the dirt. He had the coffin disinterred and recovered his work.

Draw inspiration from Rosetti's change of heart. Reclaim riches you once abandoned or left for dead.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In The Book of the Damned, Charles Fort revealed one of the secrets of power. He said that if you want power over something, you should be more real than it. What does that mean? How do you become real in the first place, and how do you get even more real? Here's what I think: Purge your hypocrisies and tell as few lies as possible. Find out what your deepest self is like -- not just what your ego is like -- and be your deepest self with vigorous rigor. Make sure that the face you show the world is an accurate representation of what's going on in your inner world. If you do all that good stuff, you will eventually be as real and as powerful as you need to be.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows," said Morihei Ueshiba, founder of the martial art of aikido, "you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you."

Make that your hypothesis. Proceed according to the theory that you can feed your strength and power and freedom by accepting other people just the way they are. Assume that one of the surest ways to be happy and successful is to refrain from judging anyone.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Long after the artist Amedeo Clemente Modigliani died, his paintings sold for millions of dollars. But while alive, he never got rich from doing what he loved to do. He expressed frustration about the gap between his ambitions and his rewards. "I do at least three paintings a day in my head," he said. "What's the use of spoiling canvas when nobody will buy anything?" I hope you don't arrive at a comparable conclusion, Gemini. It's crucial that you NOT keep your good ideas bottled up in your imagination. You need to translate them into practical actions, even if there's no immediate or obvious benefit in doing so. Expressing yourself concretely has rarely been more important than it is right now.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Thomas Paine was a zealous revolutionary. He wrote incendiary pamphlets that helped ignite and sustain America's struggle for independence from Great Britain in the 18th century.

Early in his life, however, he worked making women's girdles, which are among the most constrictive and oppressive garments in the history of the world. Was there a connection between his two gigs? Maybe his later struggle for liberation was an unconscious atonement for his youthful labors.

Instigate a Thomas Paine-like boomerang. Think of something you did in the past that constricted your spirit or squeezed other people's possibilities. Use that memory as a launching pad as you unleash a brilliant stroke in the name of abundance and expansiveness.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 1967, dissidents dreamed up a novel way to protest America's horrific Vietnam War. They marched to the Pentagon, the military's headquarters, and performed an exorcism to purge the place of its evil. With the power of songs and chants, they invoked magic spells designed to levitate the 6.5 million-square-feet building into the air. Their plan didn't quite work in a literal way -- the Pentagon remained firmly fixed to the ground -- but the legend they spawned was potent. When I heard about it years later, it inspired me to become an activist. I see myth-making as a worthy goal for you right now, Cancerian. Dream up an epic task or project that will fuel your imagination for a long time.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Growing up in Montreal, musician Rufus Wainwright was steeped in the mystique of that city's legendary songwriter Leonard Cohen. Although too feisty a spirit to engage in idol-worship, Wainwright was at least slightly in awe.

As a young adult, he finally got to meet Cohen, whose daughter brought him to the great man's family home. When Wainwright walked into the kitchen, Cohen was in his underwear cooking up tiny sausages, which he was chewing, regurgitating, and feeding to a weak baby bird he had found and was trying to revive. (Source: the film I'm Your Man)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 1926, surrealist artist Max Ernst painted "The Blessed Virgin Chastising the Infant Jesus in Front of Three Witnesses." It shows Mary vigorously spanking her son as he lies on her lap. Nowadays, the image doesn't seem nearly as scandalous as it did when it first appeared. Even some Christians I know find it amusing, welcoming the portrayal of Jesus as a genuine human being with lessons to learn. What would be your equivalent of creating a cheeky image like this, Leo? How could you achieve cathartic release by being irreverent toward something or someone you respect? I recommend it. (See the image.)

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Computer programmer Garry Hamilton articulated the following "Game Rules." Give examples of how they have worked in your life.

1. If the game is rigged so you can't win, find another game or invent your own.
2. If you're not winning because you don't know the rules, learn the rules.
3. If you know the rules but aren't willing to follow them, there's either something wrong with the game or you need to change something in yourself.
4. Don't play the game in a half-baked way. Either get all the way in or all the way out.
5. It shouldn't be necessary for others to lose in order for you to win. If others have to lose, re-evaluate the game's goals.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

It's prime time to promote cross-cultural liaisons and interspecies relationships, Virgo. I encourage you to experiment with hybrids and facilitate the union of diverse interests. You will be working in alignment with cosmic trends if you strengthen the connections between influences that belong together, and even between influences that don't know they belong together. So see what you can do to facilitate conversations between Us and Them. Negotiate peace treaties between Yes and No. Look for legitimate ways to compare apples and oranges.

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When he's in his prime, a male panda performs an average of eight handstands a day. There's no apparent evolutionary purpose in this stunt. Maybe he does it because it feels good.

Make him your role model. Identify three activities you can do not because they're "good for you" or because they'll advance some goal you're pursuing, but simply for the sheer fun of it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Gonzo columnist Mark Morford wrote a list of liberated behaviors he wants to cultivate. Since you're in the emancipatory phase of your yearly cycle, I invite you to try some of his strategies. 1. Have a gentler grip. Let go of tight-assed attitudes. 2. Make deeper penetration. Don't be satisfied with surfaces. 3. Raise the vibration. Isn't it a waste of precious life energy to mope around in a sour and shriveled frame of mind? 4. Appreciate appreciation. Treat gratitude as an emotion of the same caliber as joy. 5. Cultivate ecstatic silliness. Develop a blissful ability to take everything less seriously. 6. Drink the awe. Allow astonishment to seep in. (See more.)

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Charles Darwin said the "survival of the fittest" is a central factor in the process of evolution. What exactly did he mean by that? He makes it clear in his book The Origin of Species: "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change."

According to Darwin's definition, what would you have to do to make yourself superbly fit?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

From an astrological perspective, now would be a good time to go on a meditation retreat for a few days or make a pilgrimage to your ancestral homeland. You would generate just the right shifts in your brain chemistry by doing something like that. Other recommended adventures: reviewing the story of your entire life from your first memory to the present moment; writing a brief letter to the five people you have loved best, telling them why you've loved them; spending a day outside of time, when you don't consult a clock or use electronic media for the duration.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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During a trip to Europe, New York poet Stephen Ben Israel performed Re-Blessing Ceremonies in venerable cathedrals and synagogues. His primary sacramental act was to smoke a joint and invoke a visceral awareness of the Divine Intelligence. In so doing, he aspired to reanimate those sterile sanctuaries, where over the years so many worshipers have brought only their inert concepts and habit-encrusted beliefs.

Carry out your own version of a Re-Blessing Ceremony in a once-sacred place that has lost its juice.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Sagittarius comedian Steven Wright says he took a class in speed waiting. "Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes," he brags. I think you will have the same knack in the coming days, Sagittarius. Your patience is likely to be much more effective than usual. Results will come faster and they'll be more intense. The only catch is that you will really have to be calm and composed and willing to wait a long time. It won't work if you're secretly antsy and only pretending to be imperturbable.

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Qabalist teacher Ann Davies told a story about a U.S. Army general negotiating with a cannibal chief in New Guinea during World War II. The general wanted the chief to rally his tribe to help American troops fight the Japanese. The chief refused, calling the Americans immoral. The general was shocked. "We are not immoral!" he protested. "The Japanese are immoral!" The cannibal chief replied, "The Japanese and Americans are equally immoral. You both kill far more people than you can eat."

Using this tale as your impetus, describe how parts of your moral code may not be rooted in an absolute standard of what's good and evil, but rather bound by the idiosyncrasies of your culture and historical era.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Let the boundaries blur a bit, Capricorn. Don't stick too rigidly to the strict definitions. Play around with some good old-fashioned fuzzy logic. The straight facts and the precise details are important to keep in mind, but you shouldn't cling to them so ferociously that they stifle your imagination. You need to give yourself enough slack to try open-ended experiments. You'll be smart to allow some wobble in your theories and a tremble in your voice. Magic will happen if there's plenty of wiggle room.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Build a plush orphanage in Minsk
Feel sorry for a devious lawyer
Rebel against your horoscope
Give yourself another chance
Write your autohagiography
Play games with no rules
Teach animals to dance
Trick your nightmares
Relax and go deeper
Dream like stones
Mock your fears
Drink the sun
Suck gravity
Sing love
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"One should be light like a bird, and not like a feather," said French poet Paul Valery. How do you interpret that thought, Aquarius? In the book The Science of Self-Control, here's how Howard Rachlin expands on Valery's idea: "We need to be spontaneous, but only in the context of some framework that allows us to attain higher levels of spontaneity; a feather is a slave to the wind, while a bird *uses* the wind." Take heed, Aquarius! Your creative flights will go further and last longer if you have a solid foundation to take off from.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Composer Robert Schuman had long dialogues with his imaginary friends, Florestan and Eusebius, who provided valuable ideas for his musical scores. W.S. Merwyn wrote a poem in which he recounted the counsel of his teacher John Berryman: "He suggested I pray to the Muse / get down on my knees and pray / right there in the corner and he/ said he meant it literally."

Conjure up an imaginary friend and have an intimate conversation with him or her.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Let's call today Sigh-Day. Tomorrow, too, and the next day, and the two days after that. During these five Sigh-Days, you should feel free to let out big, deep sighs at a higher rate than usual. Allow yourself to be filled up with poignant thoughts about life's paradoxical mysteries. Give yourself permission to be overwhelmed with emotions that are midway between lamentation and reverent amazement. For even better results, indulge in some free-form moaning during your five Sigh-Days. That'll help you release your full backlog of tension and give you more appreciation for the crazy beauty of your fate. (P.S. Try not to whine, though.)

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Take off your mask. You say you're not wearing a mask? But you are. The muscles of your face are so accustomed to displaying your familiar emotions, they've gotten stuck. Raw new emotions are aching to show themselves, but can't dislodge the incumbents.

Start an exercise program. Gaze into the mirror and make hundreds of rubbery faces. Loosen and tone your muscles. Flush those ancient expressions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.