Back in the 1920s, the governor of Texas was determined to forbid the teaching of foreign languages in public schools. To bolster her case, she called on the Bible. "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ," she said, "it's good enough for us." She was dead serious. I suspect you may soon have to deal with that kind of garbled thinking, Aries. And it may be impossible to simply ignore it, since the people wielding it may have some influence on your life. So what's the best way to deal with it? Here's what I advise: Be amused. Quell your rage. Stay calm. And methodically gather the cool, clear evidence about what is really true.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Entomologist Justin O. Schmidt drew up an index to categorize the discomfort caused by stinging insects. The attack of the bald-faced hornet is "rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door." A paper wasp delivers pain that's "caustic and burning," with a "distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut." The sweat bee, on the other hand, can hurt you in a way that's "light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm."

In bringing this to your attention, I want to inspire the pronoiac rebel in you. Your homework is to create an equally nuanced and precise index of three experiences that feel really good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.