Are you afraid that you lack a crucial skill or aptitude? Do you have a goal that you're worried might be impossible to achieve because of this inadequacy? If so, now is a good time to make plans to fill in the gap. If you formulate such an intention, you will attract a benevolent push from the cosmos. Why spend another minute fretting about the consequences of your ignorance when you have more power than usual to correct that ignorance?

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You know about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who discovered the conditioned reflex. In his famous experiment, he trained laboratory dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell.

You may not have heard, though, about the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all their training instantly. (Source: Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Imagine you're in a large room full of costumes. It's like a masquerade store at Halloween plus a storage area where a theater troupe keeps the apparel its actors use to stage a wide variety of historical plays. You have free reign here. You can try on different masks and wigs and disguises and get-ups. You can envision yourself living in different eras as various characters. If you like, you can even go out into the world wearing your alternate identities. Try this exercise, Taurus. It'll stimulate good ideas about some new self-images you might want to play with in real life.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Imagine that the whole world belongs to you. The birch trees in New Hampshire's White Mountains are yours, and so are the cirrus clouds in the western sky at dusk and the black sand on the beaches of Hawaii's Big Island. You own everything, my dear sovereign -- the paintings in all the museums of the world, as well as the Internet and the wild horses and the eight-lane highways.

Please take good care of it all, OK? Be an enlightened monarch who treats your domain with reverent responsibility. And make sure you also enjoy the full measure of fun that comes with such mastery. Glide through life as if all of creation is yearning to honor and entertain you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Ray LaMontagne sings these lyrics in his tune "Empty": "I looked my demons in the eyes. Laid bare my chest and said, 'Do your best to destroy me. I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me.'" I wouldn't be opposed to you delivering a message like that to your own demons, Gemini -- with one caveat: Leave out the "Do your best to destroy me" part. Simply peer into the glazed gaze of those shabby demons and say, "You bore me and I'm done with you. Bye-bye." And then walk away from them for good.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Even if you don't call yourself an artist, you have the potential to be a dynamic creator who is always hatching new plans, coming up with fresh ideas, and shifting your approach to everything you do as you adjust to life's ceaseless invitation to change.

It's to this part of you -- the restless, inventive spirit -- that I address the following: Unleash yourself! Don't be satisfied with the world the way it is; don't sit back passively and blankly complain about the dead weight of the mediocre status quo. Instead, call on your curiosity and charisma and expressiveness and lust for life as you tinker with and rebuild everything you see so that it's in greater harmony with the laws of love and more hospitable to your soul's code.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I know a devotee of Tibetan Buddhism who got an unexpected message from her teacher. He told her she has made such exemplary progress in her quest for enlightenment that she has earned the ultimate reward. When she dies many years from now, the teacher said, she will enter nirvana! She will have no further karmic obligation to reincarnate into a new body in the future, and will be forever excused from the struggle of living in the material world. Although her teacher meant this to be good news, she was heartbroken. She wants to keep reincarnating. Her joyous passion is to help relieve the suffering of her fellow humans. Can you guess what sign she is? Yes: a Cancerian. Like her, many of you are flirting with an odd and challenging choice between selfishness and selflessness.

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The ancient Greek word klimax had several meanings. Here's the Beauty and Truth Lab's favorite definition: a ladder to heaven by which a dreamer's soul ascends to have an erotic tryst with a divine being who imparts fascinating secrets. Before you go to bed on the next five nights, tell your subconscious mind that you want to get yourself a klimax like that.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A lawyer named John Keogh filed an application with the Australian Patent Office. It was for a "circular transportation facilitation device." His claim was approved. He thus became the owner of the world's first and only patent for the wheel. So far, he has not tried to collect royalties from anyone who's using wheels. I nominate him to be your role model, Leo. May he inspire you to stamp your personal mark on a universal archetype or put your unique spin on something everyone knows and loves.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In the Beauty and Truth Lab parlance, "Uber-Fun" (always capitalized) refers to righteous delight that inspires you to shed limiting beliefs, thereby making you trickier, smarter, kinder, and wilder. Go out and have some Uber-Fun.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

This may be the best week in a long time to practice the art of crazy wisdom. And what is crazy wisdom? Here's how novelist Tom Robbins described it to Shambhala Sun: It's "a philosophical worldview that recommends swimming against the tide, cheerfully seizing the short end of the stick, embracing insecurity, honoring paradox, courting the unexpected, celebrating the unfamiliar, shunning orthodoxy, volunteering for tasks nobody else wants or dares to do, and breaking taboos in order to destroy their power. It’s the wisdom of those who turn the tables on despair by lampooning it, and who neither seek authority nor submit to it." And why should you do any of that weird stuff? Robbins: "To enlarge the soul, light up the brain, and liberate the spirit."

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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ARGUMENTS WITH GOD is the only organization on the planet that specializes in the art of debating with the Creator. Our trained Prayer Warriors are standing by, ready to deliver the protests and complaints that you want to convey. Send your mad, rebellious, poignant appeals to uaregod@comcast.net, and we will relay them directly to the Cosmic Trickster with persuasive eloquence. Write your first draft.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Why should we honor those that die upon the field of battle?" asked Irish poet William Butler Yeats. "A man may show as reckless a courage in entering into the abyss of himself." A woman may show similar bravery, of course. In my astrological opinion, that's the noble adventure beckoning to you, Libra: a dive into the depths of your inner workings. I hope that's the direction you go; I hope you don't take your stouthearted struggle out into the world around you. All the best action will be happening in that fertile hub known as your "soul."

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Historical records suggest that ancient Greek philosopher Democritus went blind late in his life. There are different stories about why. According to one account, he intentionally did it to himself by gazing too long into the sun. That was his perverse way of solving a vexing problem: It freed him from the torment of having to look upon gorgeous women who were no longer interested in or available to him because of his advanced age. I hope you won't do anything like that, Scorpio. In fact, I suggest you take the opposite approach: Keep your attention focused on things that stir your deep attraction, even if you think you can't have them for your own. Valuable lessons and unexpected rewards will emerge from such efforts.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Naturalist John Burroughs may have been addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Search your memory, Sagittarius, and recall a time when you pushed yourself to your limits as you labored over a task you cared about very much. At that time, you worked with extreme focus and intensity. You were rarely bored and never resentful about the enormous effort you had to expend. You loved throwing yourself into this test of willpower, which stretched your resourcefulness and compelled you to grow new capacities. What was that epic breakthrough in your past? Once you know, move on to your next exercise: Imagine a new assignment that fits this description, and make plans to bring it into your life in the near future.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You're hereby invited to join the Clandestine Indigenous Revolutionary Committee Devoted to the Ingenious Liberation of All Sentient Beings. To signify your desire to sign up, simply perform an act of crafty compassion that reduces someone's suffering.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Nairobi is Kenya's capital and home of over three million urbanites. A few minutes' drive from the city center, there's a 45-square-mile national park teeming with wildlife. Against a backdrop of skyscrapers, rhinos and giraffes graze. Lions and cheetahs pounce. Wildebeests roam and hyenas skulk. I suggest you borrow the spirit of that arrangement and invoke it in your own life. In other words, be highly civilized and smartly sophisticated part of the time; be wild and free the rest of the time. And be ready to go back and forth between the two modes with grace and ease.

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Where exactly is Hell in relation to Heaven, anyway? Is it the equivalent of a billion light-years away? Or are they located within shouting distance of each other? Lots of ancient religious texts suggest the latter. Yalkut Koheleth, a Jewish commentary on the Biblical book Ecclesiastes, claimed the two domains were just "a hand-breadth apart." In Greek myth, the blessed Elysian Fields were situated right next door to Hades. "The doors to heaven and hell are adjacent and identical," wrote Nikos Kazantzakis, "both green, both beautiful."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the wild, a tiger's diet consists entirely of meat. The big cat loves to feast on deer and wild boar, and eats a variety of other animals, too. The hunt is always solitary, never done in collaborative groups. That's why the creature's success rate is so low. A tiger snags the prey it's seeking only about five percent of the time. It sometimes has to wait two weeks between meals. Nevertheless, a tiger rarely starves. When it gets what it's after, it can devour 75 pounds of food in one sitting. According to my astrological analysis, Aquarius, you're like a tiger these days. You haven't had a lot of lucky strikes lately, but I suspect you will soon hit the jackpot.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The alchemists said the magic formula for enlightenment was Visita Inferiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or "Seek out the lower reaches of the earth, perfect them, and you will find the hidden stone" -- the treasured philosopher's stone. Jungian psychologists might describe the process this way: Engage in a relationship with the blind and sickly parts of yourself, perfect them, and you will awaken your hidden divinity.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The French word flaneur is a meme that refers to a person who strolls around the city at a leisurely pace, exploring whatever captivates her imagination. To the casual observer, the flaneur may seem to be a lazy time-waster with nothing important to do. But she is in fact motivated by one of the noblest emotions -- pure curiosity -- and is engaged in a quest to attract novel experiences, arouse fresh insights, and seek new meaning. Sound fun? Well, congratulations, Pisces, because you have been selected as the Flaming Flaneur of the Zodiac for the next two weeks. Get out there and meander!

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology." So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil. Note well that he used the adjective "joyous" to describe distrust, not "cynical" or "grumbling" or "sour." The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.