Isaac Newton is regarded as one of the most influential scientists in history. But the time he spent as a member of the English Parliament was undistinguished. The only public comment he ever made while serving there was a request to close the window because he was cold. Basketball star Michael Jordan had a similar schism. In the prime of his outstanding career, he took a year off to try playing baseball, which he did poorly. After analyzing 2013's astrological aspects, Aries, I'm guessing that you should cultivate a firm intention to avoid doing what Newton and Jordan did. Keep playing to your strengths and emphasizing what you love. Don't get sidetracked by peripheral concerns.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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I give thanks for the dented rusty brown and gray 1967 Chevy 10 pick-up truck that my neighbor parks askew on the shoulder of the road near my house. Its messy beauty snaps me back to sanity when my own perfectionism threatens to de-soul me, or when all the shiny, sleek, polished things of the world are on the verge of hypnotizing me into believing that only they should be considered attractive.

Are there equivalent triggers in your life?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I'd like to help you cultivate an even more reliable relationship with your intuitions and hunches than you already have. You may not need much guidance from me, since the astrological omens indicate this will happen quite naturally. There's another kind of inspiration I hope to offer you in the coming months: clues about how to be "bad" in ways that will give your goodness more vigor. And when I say "bad," I'm not referring to nastiness or insensitivity, but rather to wildness and playfulness and experimentation. Here's one further service I want to provide, Taurus: helping you build a greater capacity to receive gifts, blessings, and support.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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Some people feel polluted when they look at porn; others when they eat Pringles and Twinkies. Personally, I experience a sense of violation after being exposed to celebrity gossip. And yet, if I've learned anything about how to maintain a healthy relationship with purity, it's that a fanatical adherence to it is as dangerous as a compulsive rejection of it. This will be especially true for you as you practice the art of pronoia. I urge you, therefore, to rebel cagily now and then against your urge to be a perfectly nice perpetrator of goodness and beauty and truth and justice.

Here's one method that might work: Use sacred sarcasm to motivate your allies to cooperate more with life's benevolent conspiracy. For instance, you might say the following to a certain female friend, hoping it will prod her to swear off self-punishing behavior forever: "You sure honored your ancestors and left an inspiring legacy for your descendants during the month you spent courting that alcoholic womanizer."

Or say something like this to a person who has not been asking for enough in return for her gifts: "No doubt you impressed the gods and earned a heap of karmic credit for all the free work you gave away to that megalomaniac who ripped you off so brilliantly."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the year 1900, few people believed that human beings would ever fly through the sky in machines. Most scientists thought that such a feat was impossible. For years, the Wright Brothers had a hard time convincing anyone to believe their flights were actually taking place, even though they had photos and witness reports as documentation. Although the leap you'll be capable of in 2013 isn't quite as monumental as the Wright Brothers', it could be pretty important in the history of your own life. You may also have to deal with skepticism akin to what they had to face. Be true to your vision, Gemini!

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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"Keep exploring what it takes to be the opposite of who you are," suggests psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of the book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. This advice is one of his ideas about how to get into attunement with the Tao, also known as being in the zone.

How would you go about being the opposite of who you are? Try it and see if it drives you into a state of euphoria.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I predict you will see why it's wise to phase out an influence you have loved to hate for far too long. Uncoincidentally, you will also have a talent for purging emotional burdens and psychic debris that you've been holding on to since the bad old days. No later than your birthday, if all goes well, you will be free from a subtle curse you've been casting on yourself; you will finally be attending to one of your long-neglected needs; and you will have turned some rather gawky, half-assed wizardry into a smooth and silky magic.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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When playing the card game known as bridge, you're fortunate if you're dealt no cards of any particular suit. It allows you to use the trump suit to win tricks.

Identify a situation in your own life where a lack of a certain resource can work to your advantage, allowing you to be a free agent, an X-factor, a wild card; freeing you to capitalize on loopholes that aren't normally available; giving you access to luck that comes to you through what you're missing.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I pledge to help you raise your lovability. It's not that you are unlovable now, of course, but there's always room for improvement, right? And if people become even more attracted to you than they already are, then you're likely to get a lot of collaborative and cooperative work done. You will thrive as you and your allies work on projects that make your corner of the world a better and more interesting place. So what are the first three actions you could take to raise your lovability?

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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I was never the class clown. I am not a troubled but devilishly handsome wastrel living on a trust fund. I've never beaten up anyone, have steadfastly not aspired to write like Raymond Carver, and have never played strip Scrabble with a junkie violinist on a leaky waterbed in a Key West penthouse. There are so many things I am not and will never be, and I'm glad I know about them. It helps me stay focused on exactly who I am. What about you? Who aren't you? Fantasize about all the paths you will never take. Put it in writing.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

First question: Have you ever thought to yourself, "I'm afraid I will never achieve my noblest dreams or live according to my highest ideas"? Answer: There's a very good chance that in the coming year you will banish that fear from the sacred temple of your imagination. Second question: Have you ever wondered if maybe you unconsciously undermine the efforts of people who are trying to assist you? Answer: In the coming months you should discover exactly what to do to prevent such a thing from happening. Third question: Do you know the single most important question you should be asking in 2013? Answer: I predict you will figure that out sometime in the next three weeks.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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Do you have an unconscious belief that the forces of evil are loud, vigorous, and strong, while good is quiet, gentle, and passive? Gather evidence that contradicts this irrational prejudice.

Are you secretly suspicious of joy because you think it's inevitably rooted in wishful thinking and a willful ignorance about the true nature of reality? Expose these suspicions as superstitions that aren't grounded in any objective data you can actually prove.

Do you fear that when you're in the presence of love and beauty you tend to become softheaded, whereas you're likely to feel smart and powerful when you're sneering at the ugliness around you? As an antidote, for a given amount of time, say a week or a month or a year, act as if the following hypothesis were true: that you're more likely to grow smarter when you're in the presence of love and beauty.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I will be encouraging you to journey into the frontiers and experiment with the unknown. I will seek to inspire you to go in search of teachings you've needed for a long time. Are you ready for this expansion, Libra? Are you feeling a natural urge to explore forbidden zones and discover missing secrets and mess with your outmoded taboos? As you might imagine, doing this work would motivate you to develop a healthier relationship with your fears. To bolster your courage, I suggest you find some new freedom songs to sing.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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My friend Riley was the first member of her family to attend college. None of her hardscrabble Irish forebears had ever pursued higher education. In her senior year, Riley began having nightmares of her relatives trying to stop her from finishing school. In one recurring dream, her great-grandfather burned all her textbooks. In another, a mob of aunts and uncles tackled her and held her down as she tried to get to class.

Despite these psychic obstacles, Riley persevered in her studies and eventually got her diploma. The week after graduation, she had another dream: A host of her ancestors came to her in the form of a great choir singing songs in praise of her success.

Riley's psychotherapist speculated that the dream meant she had not only overcome the inertia of her heritage, but had also healed an ancient wound of her family going back many generations. Is there a similar accomplishment you're capable of? What is it?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I will do what I can to ensure that your fiscal biorhythms are in close alignment with the universal cash flow. You should have pretty good instincts about this worthy project yourself, Scorpio. And so there's an excellent chance that your wealth will increase. The upgrade will be especially dramatic if you are constantly scheming about how you can share your riches and benefit other people with your generosity. I think there will also be an interesting fringe benefit if you maintain maximum integrity as you enhance your access to valuable resources: You will develop a more useful relationship with your obsessive tendencies.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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Is the universe inherently friendly to humans? The answer's got to be either "yes, definitely" or "no, not really." It can't be in between. Whatever you may be inclined to believe, you've got to agree that there's no way to know which is true with absolute certainty.

So then isn't it stupid and self-destructive to live your life as if the universe is unfriendly? Doing so tends to cast a pall over everything. But if on the other hand you proceed on the hypothesis that the universe is friendly, you're inclined to interpret everything that occurs as a gift, however challenging it may be to figure out its purpose at first.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In 2013, I pledge to conspire with you to achieve more mixtures, connections, accords, and unifications than you ever thought possible. I will furthermore be a fount of suggestions about how you can live well in two worlds. I will coach you to create a peace treaty with your evil twin and your nemesis, and I will help you develop a knack for steering clear of other people's bad ideas and sour moods. I can't of course guarantee that you will never again experience a broken heart, but I swear I will do everything I can do to heal the broken part of your heart that you've been suffering from.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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"The seed cannot sprout upwards without simultaneously sending roots into the ground," says an Egyptian proverb. Keep that thought in mind as you head into your next phase of growth. What part of you needs to deepen as you rise up? What growth needs to unfold in the hidden places as you gravitate toward the light? How can you go about balancing and stabilizing your ascension with a downward penetration?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When he was 21, the Capricorn writer Jack London set off to prospect for gold in the 1897 Klondike Gold Rush. He had a rough time there. Malnourished, he suffered from scurvy and leg pain. To make matters worse, he didn't find much gold, and returned home broke. On the other hand, he met scores of adventure seekers who told him stories of their travels. These tales served as rich raw material for his novel The Call of the Wild, published in 1903. It made him famous and is generally regarded as his masterpiece. I'm guessing you will begin a similar trajectory in 2013, Capricorn. Events that may at first seem less than successful will ultimately breed a big breakthrough.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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Some Christians believe Jesus will come back to fix this corrupt world. Certain Jewish sects propose that the messiah will soon appear on Earth for the first time. Among Muslims, many predict the legendary Twelfth Imam will return and bring salvation to humanity.

In India, devotees of Vishnu expect the avatar Kalki to arrive on the scene and carry out a series of miraculous redemptions. Even Buddhists prophesy Maitreya, the chosen one who will establish universal peace.

My divinations foretell a very different scenario. I suspect that the whole point of our spectacularly confounding moment in history is that each of us must become our own savior. And if we hope to accomplish that, relying on our best amateur efforts, we will have to stop waiting around for a supposed professional to do our work for us. We should also shed our addiction to believing in the possibility of any kind of magical intervention.

Franz Kafka had a view that's not necessarily mutually exclusive with mine: "The messiah will come when we don't need him anymore."

Let's also consider the evidence offered by William Blake, as quoted in Poets and God by David L. Edwards: "Jesus Christ is the only God. And so am I. And so are you."

One more clue, this time from Deepak Chopra: "Every person is a God in embryo. Its only desire is to be born."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I can't force you to seek more pleasure in 2013. I won't nag you to play harder and explore the frontiers of feeling really good. However, I will say this: If you don't plan to put yourself into at least partial alignment with the cosmic mandate to have maximum fun, you may not get the best use out of the advice I'll be offering though my horoscopes in the coming year. Please consider the possibility of ramping up your capacity for pure enjoyment.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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"Is it bad to live without a hell?" poet Pablo Neruda asks in The Book of Questions. Let's add these queries to his: Is it dangerous to live without the awakening force that an enemy provides? Is it naive to think you can achieve great success without the driving motivation that comes from thinking about ideas you hate?

Consider the issue from another angle. Dentists love tooth decay. Treating cavities provides them with a steady income. Likewise, exterminators are dependent on termites, lawyers need crime, and priests crave sinners. Lots of people have symbiotic connections with nasty stuff. In fact, isn't it true that most of us nurture our feelings for the things we love to despise and fear?

What's your favorite poison or adversary? Assume that your exposure to pronoia is changing you in ways that will require you to update your relationship with it. Speculate on how you'll go about this task.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The study of ancient Mayan civilization owes a lot to the fact that Americans started buying lots of chewing gum in the late 19th century. Huh? Here's the connection: For a long time, chicle was one of the prime ingredients in Chiclets, Juicy Fruit, Bazooka bubble gum, and many other brands of chewing gum. Chicle is obtained from the sap of sapodilla trees, which grow in abundance in Central America and Mexico. Over the decades, workers harvesting the chicle accidentally found many Mayan ruins covered in overgrown vegetation, then told archaeologists about their discoveries. I foresee a metaphorically comparable sequence happening in your life during 2013. In unexpected ways, you will be put back in touch with and benefit from lost, forgotten, or unexplored parts of the past.

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2013. Start dreaming and scheming about who you're going to be in the new year! (Beginning December 25, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!)

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Do you have a negative opinion of clouds? Are you inclined to regard them as symbols of gloom and malaise, interruptions in what you wish would always be clear blue sky?

If so, I'll ask you to revise your view. Consider the fact that in Chinese mythology, there are xiangyun, or "lucky clouds" that are harbingers of great blessings. Deities may even ride on them for pleasure. Among the Zuni Indians, the monster known as the Cloud Eater was feared because he devoured clouds that might bring replenishing rain. And modern meteorologists know that white, fluffy cumulus clouds are signs that fair weather is on the way.

Armed with these ideas, go out in search of your own personal lucky clouds.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.