"They are trying to make me into a fixed star," complained religious leader Martin Luther a few centuries ago. "I am an irregular planet." I invite you to use that declaration as your own in the coming weeks. You have every right to avoid being pinned down, pigeonholed, and forced to be consistent. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you need abundant freedom to mutate your identity. You deserve a poetic license that allows you to play a variety of different roles and explore the pleasures of unpredictable self-expression.

Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted. Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The Star-Spangled Banner" is America's national anthem. It features the lyrics of a patriotic poem written by Francis Scott Key. But the melody itself is entirely lifted from a bawdy old song that celebrates Bacchus, the ancient god of wine and ecstatic dancing. I love it when things are repurposed as dramatically as that. Do you? The coming weeks will be prime time to repurpose stuff with creative abandon. Make the past useful for the future, Taurus. Turn good old ideas into fantastic new ones. Don't just recycle; transform.

What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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Many people believe that happiness is a rare commodity attainable only through dumb luck. "One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness," said novelist Willa Cather. "One only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere." I disagree. My perspective is the same as the Buddhist researchers Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. In their book How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People, they reveal that the number one trait of happy people is a serious determination to be happy. Bliss is a habit you can cultivate, in other words, not an accident that you stumble upon by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I'm guessing that in the coming weeks you will be receiving a multitude of inquiries, invitations, and temptations -- probably more than you feel capable of responding to, and certainly more than you should respond to. A few of these opportunities might be appealing and lead to interesting adventures. But some will be useless, diversionary, or trivial. Will you be able to tell the difference? That's your big challenge. If you'd like help dodging unwanted solicitations, give out this phone number as your own: 212.479.7990. It's a free service provided by The Rejection Line. People calling that number will be politely told you aren't available.

Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.

An alternative perspective comes from Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.

Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

For millennia, the plant known as the yellow avalanche lily has thrived on mountain slopes and meadows throughout western North America. It blooms early in the spring, just in time for broad-tailed hummingbirds that migrate from Central America to sip the flower's nectar. But now there's a problem with that ancient arrangement. Due to global warming, the lily now blossoms 17 days earlier than it used to. But the hummingbirds haven't made an adjustment in their schedule, so they're barely showing up in time to get their full allotment of nectar. I suspect this is a metaphor for a shift you may be facing in your own life rhythm. Fortunately, you've been forewarned, and you can adjust better than the hummingbirds.

To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Most people associate innocence with naivete. Conventional wisdom regards it as belonging to children and fools and rookies who lack the sophistication or experience to know the tough truths about life. But the Beauty and Truth Laboratory recognizes a different kind of innocence. It's based on an understanding that the world is always changing, and therefore deserves to be seen fresh every day. This alternative brand of innocence is fueled by an aggressive determination to empty one's imagination of all preconceptions.

"Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good," wrote Clarissa Pinkola-Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves. "Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In our calendar, there is no special holiday devoted to honoring the joy and power of rebellion. This oversight confounds me. All my experience tells me that the urge to revolt is a fundamental human need. Every one of us has a sacred duty to regularly rise up and overthrow a stale status quo that is oppressing us -- whether that's an organized group effort we're part of or our own deadening routine. I'm telling you this, Leo, because it's an excellent time to celebrate your own Rebellion Jubilee. Your vitality will soar as you shed numbing habits and decaying traditions.

Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Mirabilia is a word that refers to events that inspire wonder, marvelous phenomena, small miracles; it's from the Latin mirabilia, "marvels." Here's your mirabilia report for the coming week: The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100 miles. Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone near them does. There are always so many fragments of spider legs floating in the air that you are constantly inhaling them wherever you go. Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia. Bob Hope donated half a million jokes to the Library of Congress. Bees perform a valuable service for the flowers from which they steal. The moon smells like exploded firecrackers. Physicists in Tennessee coaxed electric signals to travel through coaxial cable at four times the speed of light, even though the equipment they used was cheap stuff from Radio Shack. Revlon makes 177 different shades of lipstick.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Recently you've had resemblances to an eight-year-old kid wearing the pajamas you loved when you were five. Your bare arms are jutting out beyond where the sleeves end, and there's a similar thing going on with your legs. The fabric is ripped here and there because it can't accommodate how much you've grown. You're feeling discomfort in places where the overly tight fit is squeezing your flesh. All of this is somewhat cute but mostly alarming. I wish you would wean yourself of the past and update your approach.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Your imagination is the single most important asset you possess. It's your power to create mental pictures of things that don't exist yet and that you want to bring into being. It's the magic wand you use to shape your future.

And so in your own way, you are a prophet. You generate countless predictions every day. Your imagination is the source, tirelessly churning out images of what you will be doing later.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A lot of leopard frogs live on Staten Island, one of New York City's five boroughs. Most of them make a sound that resembles a long snore or a rapid chuckle. But over the years, biologists have also detected a third type of frogly expression: a clipped, repetitive croak. Just this year, they finally figured out that this belonged to an entirely distinct species of leopard frog that they had never before identified. It's still so new it doesn't have a name yet. I expect a metaphorically similar development in your life, Libra. You will become aware of a secret that has been hiding in plain sight. You will "find" something that actually revealed itself to you some time ago.

Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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All of creation loves you very much. Even now, secret allies are cooking up mysteries that will excite you and incite you for years to come. Even now, the Earth, moon, and sun are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move.

But here's the loaded question: Are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Tom Tolbert is a sports talk show host on San Francisco radio station KNBR. I am amazingly neutral about him. Nothing he says fascinates me or mirrors my own thoughts. On the other hand, he never makes me mad and he's not boring. I neither like him nor dislike him. I simply see him for who he is, without any regard for what he can do for me. He has become a symbol of the possibility that I'm able to look at a human being with complete impartiality, having no wish for him to be different from what he is. In the coming week, I suggest you try to achieve this enlightened state of mind on a regular basis. It's prime time, astrologically speaking, to ripen your mastery of the art of objectivity.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When many people talk about their childhoods, they emphasize the alienating, traumatic experiences they had. It has become fashionable to avoid reporting memories of the good times in one's past. This seems dishonest—a testament to the popularity of cynicism rather than a reflection of objective truth.

I don't mean to downplay the way your early encounters with pain demoralized your spirit. But as you reconnoiter the promise of pronoia, it's crucial for you to extol the gifts you were given in your early years: all the helpful encounters, kind teachings, and simple acts of grace that helped you bloom. Remember them now, please.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you say "rabbit rabbit rabbit" as soon as you wake up on the first day of the month, you will have good luck for the next 30 to 31 days. At least that's how reality works according to a British superstition. But judging from your astrological omens, I don't think you will have to resort to magic tricks like that to stimulate your good fortune. In the next four weeks, I suspect you will be the beneficiary of a flood of cosmic mojo, as well as a surge of divine woowoo, a shower of astral juju, and an upwelling of universal googoo gaga. If it would give you even more confidence to invoke your favorite superstitions, though, go right ahead. Even scientists say that kind of thing works.

No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

According to Greek myth, Perseus cut off the head of Medusa. She was the creature whose hair was composed of snakes and whose gaze could turn a person into stone. The immortal winged horse Pegasus was instantaneously born from Medusa's blood. He ultimately became an ally to the nine Muses, and Zeus relied on him to carry thunder and lightning. I predict that while you're sleeping, Capricorn, you will have a dream that contains elements of this myth. Here's a preliminary interpretation of that dream: You are undergoing a transition that could in a sense give you the power of flight and a more abundant access to a muse.

Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and forgotten. There'll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist materialists would have you believe. But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing you do subtly alters the course of world history? What if your day-to-day decisions will actually help determine how the human species navigates its way through the epic turning point we're living through? And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated into a fresh body and in possession of the memories of the person you were back in this era? These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. Which is why I say: Live as if your soul is eternal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

It's time for you to be leader of the pack, Aquarius; to take your gang to the next level; to make sure the group mind isn't suppressing innovation and enforcing peer pressure but is rather inspiring every member of the tribe to be as creative as they dare to be. And if it's not realistic for you to wield that much power, then do whatever you can to synergize the alliances that hold your posse together. Build team morale. Gossip constructively. Conspire to animate an influx of fresh magic.

I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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Psychologist Carl Jung believed that all desires have a sacred origin, no matter how odd they may seem. Frustration and ignorance may contort them into distorted caricatures, but it is always possible to locate the divine source from which they arose. In describing one of his addictive patients, Jung said: "His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst for wholeness, or as expressed in medieval language: the union with God."

Therapist James Hillman echoes the theme: "Psychology regards all symptoms to be expressing the right thing in the wrong way." A preoccupation with porn or romance novels, for instance, may come to dominate a passionate person whose quest for love has degenerated into an obsession with images of love. "Follow the lead of your symptoms," Hillman suggests, "for there's usually a myth in the mess, and a mess is an expression of soul."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you're a food company that wants to sell chicken in the shape of a chicken wing, it must have actual chicken wing meat in it. Otherwise, the law says you've got to call your product "wyngz." I've always thought that there's a lot of information the media presents as "news" that is really as fake as wyngz. That's why I advocate calling the bogus stuff "newzak" (rhymes with "muzak"). Your assignment in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to make sure you're not putting out any wyngz- or newzak-like stuff in your own chosen field. The fates will help you rather dramatically if you put a high premium on authenticity.

For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In Homer's epic tale, The Odyssey, he described nepenthe, a mythical drug that induced the forgetfulness of pain and trouble. Modern culture has turned the myth into reality: There are now many stimuli serving that purpose.

If Homer were alive today, we wonder if he'd write about a potion that stirs up memories of delight, serenity, and fulfillment? Imagine that you have taken such a tonic. Spend an hour or two remembering the glorious moments from your past.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.