"Dear Rob: I really enjoy reading your horoscopes. You feel like a friend I've never met. When I try to picture what you're like, I keep getting a vision of you as being fat, short, and bald with a strawberry blond moustache. Am I right? - Curious Aquarius." Dear Curious: It's great that you've decided to do a reality check. This is an excellent time for all you Aquarians to see if what you imagine to be true is a match for the world as it actually is. To answer your question, I am in fact tall and thin, don't wear a moustache, and have an abundance of long silver hair.

Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.