According to a recent poll, God's approval rating has dipped below 40 percent for the first time on record. My research suggests the new low is due in part to a disproportionate amount of dissatisfaction by those born under the sign of Taurus. Can you fix this please? If you're one of the discontent, please see if you can talk yourself into restoring some of your faith in the Divine Wow. APRIL FOOL! The real truth is, I encourage you to be skeptical in regards to all authorities, experts, and topdogs, including God. It's an excellent time in your cycle to go rogue, to scream "I defy you, stars!" Be a rabble-rousing, boat-rocking doubter.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.