In F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel The Great Gatsby, Daisy Buchanan is stirred to the point of rapture by Jay Gatsby's silk shirts. "I've never seen such beautiful shirts before," she sobs, burying her face in one as she sits in his bedroom. I sincerely hope you will have an equivalent brush with this kind of resplendence sometime soon, Capricorn. For the sake of your mental and even physical health, you need direct contact with the sublime. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It's true that you would profoundly benefit from a brush with resplendence. But I can assure you that plain old material objects, no matter how lush and expensive, won't do the trick for you.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.