In her memoir Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef, Gabrielle Hamilton suggests my horoscopes were helpful to her as she followed her dream to create her New York City restaurant, Prune. "I killed roaches, poisoned their nests, trapped rats, stuffed their little holes with steel wool and glass shards," she wrote, "while my girlfriend . . . walked through the place 'purifying' it with a burning sage smudge stick and read me my Rob Brezsny horoscopes in support." I would love to be of similar service to you in the coming months, Gemini, as you cleanse whatever needs to be cleansed in preparation for your next big breakthrough. Let the fumigation, purgation, and expiation begin!

This week my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES offer you a teaser look at some of the major themes you will be working and playing with in 2012. Then, beginning December 27, I will devote three consecutive weeks of EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES to an in-depth discussion of your long-range outlook for the coming months. Tune in!

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Meditation teacher Wes Nisker helps students learn to calm the frenetic chatter of their minds. As earnest as he is in this heroic work, though, he also appreciates the importance of not trying too hard. As you pursue your pronoia practice, call on his influence now and then. It'll keep you honest and prevent your anal sphincter from getting too high-strung.

Here's a blurb for one of his workshops. "This day will be of absolutely no use to you. Nothing will be furthered or accomplished by coming. Expect a time of effortlessness, relaxation, and poetry, hanging out, maybe a little mindfulness meditation -- all for nothing. Some might understand this as a protest against our culture's speedy, goal-driven nature, but we know it won't amount to a hill of beans. Good intentions and purposefulness must be checked at the door."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.