"Dear Astrologer: My life is stagnant and slow. It suffers bone-deep from a lack of changes, good or bad or in between. Why has my karma been deprived of all motion? Why must I go on frozen in such eerie peace and quiet? I seek your help. Can you cast a spell for me so that I will be happily disrupted and agitated? Will you predict my sorry state of stillness to be ended soon? Arvind Agnimuka, Taurus from Darjeeling." Dear Arvind: Funny you should ask. According to my analysis, members of the Taurus tribe are about to be roused out of their plodding rhythm by a bolt of cosmic mojo. Get ready to rumble -- and I mean that in the best sense of the word.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.