When you travel to Mozambique, the Ministry of Fish and Wildlife gives you a warning about the frequency of human encounters with lions out in nature. "Wear little noisy bells so as to give advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise," reads the notice you're handed. I'm certain, Scorpio, that no matter where you are in the coming week -- whether it's Mozambique or elsewhere -- you won't have to tangle with beasts as long as you observe similar precautions. So please take measures to avoid startling goblins, rascals, and rogues. If you visit a dragon's domain, keep your spirit light and jingly. If you use a shortcut that requires you to pass through the wasteland, sing your favorite nonsense songs as you hippety-hop along.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.