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Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny
♈ ARIES
(March 21-April 19)
Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♉ TAURUS
(April 20-May 20)
Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♊ GEMINI
(May 21-June 20)
Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage. Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♋ CANCERIAN
(June 21-July 22)
What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river. Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times. Imagine you have a guardian angel who looks like Ellen Degeneres or Malcolm X.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♌ LEO
(July 23-August 22)
Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES
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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♍ VIRGO
(August 23-September 22)
You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on Earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Say these words and see how they feel: "Ever since I learned to see three sides to every story, I'm finding much better stories."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♎ LIBRA
(September 23-October 22)
How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Once a year on the night before your birthday, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious." Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire. Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♏ SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21)
Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues. Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♐ SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21)
How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♑ CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19)
Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♒ AQUARIUS
(January 20- February 18)
How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Teach an animal to dance. Hire a puppet troupe to reenact your life story using marionettes in Renaissance costumes. Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
♓ PISCES
(February 19-March 20)
Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.
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Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love. Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible. Watch TV with your third eye.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
Listen to Rob's Expanded Audio Horoscopes, updated weekly.
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