Happy Valentine Daze, Libra. It's my astrological opinion that you need more jokes, comedy, and humor in your romantic adventures. If you're too serious about seeking the pleasures of love, you can't get what you want. To inspire your efforts, I present the winning entry from last year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. It was judged the worst possible opening line for a novel, but it's perfect fodder for the project I've assigned you: "For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss -- a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil."

The horoscopes you read here may be all you need from me. But if you'd like a bigger dose of my thoughts about your destiny, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Each is a 4 to 5 minute meditation about where you are right now. (For a limited time only, I've also still got longer forecasts that report on the big picture of your life for 2011.)

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As I meditated on what advice might purify and supercharge your love life, I got to thinking about a statement attributed to French poet Paul Valery. "Love is being stupid together," he said. There's an element of truth to this notion, but it's too corny and degenerate for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting and complete truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost your IQ. Your relationship should be a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works. If you can't share your love with such a person, don't share your love with anyone.
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The preceding oracle is brought to you by my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.