Sunlight may smell spicy or musky to you these days. The wind might have a flavor like chocolate liqueur or a ripe peach. The hum of the earth as it turns may sound like a symphony you heard once in a dream. Your body? Electric. Your soul? Sinewy. In other words, Aquarius magic is afoot. The hills are alive with future memories that taste delicious. Your feet will touch sacred ground far more than usual. Halloween costume suggestion: a character from a film that changed your life for the better.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

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Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.