A psychic in Colorado was arrested for bilking her clients. Nancy Marks allegedly told people that their money was possessed by nasty spirits, and that the best solution was to hand the money over to her. The cops claim she collected 290,000 of the evil dollars before she was nabbed. My message to you, Cancerian, is very different from the psychic's warning: Your bank account has a divine blessing on it. At least temporarily, this makes you a kind of cash magnet; you have an unusual power to attract legal tender. Take advantage! Say this sacred mantra: "O monnee gimmee summ."

Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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What is the holiest river in the world? Some might say the Ganges in India. Others would propose the Jordan River or the River Nile. But I say the holiest river is the one that's closest to where you are right now.

Go to that river and commune with it. Throw a small treasure into it as an offering. Next, find a holy sidewalk to walk on, praise the holiness in a bus driver, kiss a holy tree, and shop at a holy store.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.