I sincerely hope that 2010 will be the year you stop worshiping Satan for good. Luckily, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to get that worthy project in gear. Despite the odd pleasures your twisted devotion to the Evil One seems to bring you, it actually undermines your ability to get what you want. The ironic fact of the matter is that pure unrepentant selfishness -- the kind that Satan celebrates -- is the worst possible way to achieve your selfish goals. APRIL FOOL! I know you don't really worship Satan. I was just hoping to jolt you into considering my real desire for you, which is to achieve your selfish goals by cultivating more unselfishness.

To further explore the ripening challenges and blessings in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"I usually solve problems by letting them devour me," wrote Franz Kafka. That's an interesting approach, I guess, and though it might work for a tiny minority of introverted, melancholy, hypersensitive artists, it's probably not a wise policy for you. It may be better to fervently resist any temptation you might have to allow your problems to gobble you up."

Instead, why not be like a gargantuan sea monster in the midst of a perfect storm? Rise up as high as the dark sky and growl back at the thunder. Shoot flames from your mouth at the lightning. Become too big and ancient and wild to ever be devoured.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.